No Complaining Challenge

Complaining is such an easy and negative thing to do and so I am introducing this challenge, with the hope that you all try out for a learning experience as well as helping you to put off complacency. This challenge is called the 'No Complaining Challenge' and is exactly what you would expect from the title: not to complain. 

I think that whilst it's great getting people (myself included) to stop complaining, it is also a good idea for people to realise how easy it is to complain and how often they do it. I have noticed that as of recent I have been complaining more and is a habit that I am not fond of, therefore this challenge is one that I myself will try to carry out. 

I'm not just talking about those major complaints that you make but also those minor ones too. E.g. "the weathers horrible I hate it"! Also labelling someone with a negative comment such as: "(name not mentioned) is a rubbish singer, I don't want to listen to them" is not allowed. Now these may seem trivial to you but the aim of this challenge isn't to get you to become a mindless robot but to have a better grasp upon the amount of times a complaint is made by you and others - at the end of this challenge I'm hoping that people will think much more about what they're going to say instead of announcing a complaint.

A post that you may find helpful to read before taking on this challenge is: How to Stop Complaining. 

Rules

1. No Complaining

This golden rule to this challenge and is the most important one. Do not complain once, of course it wouldn't be a challenge if this was going to be easy so I expect people to break this one including myself (not on purpose)! If you aren't strict with yourself the only person you will be cheating is yourself and won't gain anything from the experience - so try your very best not to complain eve if it means stopping yourself mid-sentence to avoid doing so.  

Every time you make a single complaint, no matter how far you are into this challenge, you start right from the beginning. This may mean that you have to keep starting over but does an even better job at getting you to be thoughtful with your words. Even if you take a whole year to complete this challenge because of having to keep starting over and over, in the end the results will be good. 

The average amount of time it takes people who take on this challenge is 4 - 8 months!

2. 21 Days

You must keep this challenge up for 21 days, only doing it for 1-2 days won't pose the same challenge or have as big an impact upon the way you think and speak as 21 days will. Take note of the day you start (e.g. marking it on a calendar) and make note of when you finish.

Optional Rules

These are rules that you can either allow yourself to be bound to or not, they are fully optional and depends solely on the individual, you can include as many or as little as you want.

1. Duration

Instead of coping with this challenge for 21 day you can increase the amount of days to make it harder for you or to allow yourself more time to get into this good habit. A good step up I recommend would be to go to 35 days. This is a little over a month and it takes on average a habit 20 - 30 days to become cemented into ones life if practiced every day, so 35 (5 weeks) is perfect for making sure.

Then again hardly anyone completes this in the first 21 days as they normally will have to restart many times making it a lot longer so incorporating this rule is entirely your choice. 

2. Bracelet 

Will Brown is normally quoted as the originator of this technique and is a very simple and surprisingly effective one at that. The idea is to wear a bracelet and when you complain, take it off and place it around your other wrist and start again from day 0. 

3. Elastic Band

I've often heard of this technique when people are trying to break a habit, and that is to place an elastic band (or bands) around your wrist and each time you indulge yourself in this bad habit you in turn pull back and release the elastic band so that it snaps against your wrist. The idea of this isn't to cause yourself pain for the sake of it but that you come to associate this bad habit to the uncomfortable pinging of the elastic band(s).

4. Replace a negative with a positive

If you notice that you are about to complain or are on the verge of complaining then turn it into a positive and say it aloud. For example: "the weather is horrible" could become "we need the rain" etc.

Don't Give Up

Is there something that you would really like to be good at or succeed in? I'm sure there is when you think about it? Maybe you've always wanted to play a musical instrument, or maybe a renowned artist, or are you wanting to become an author? We all have aspirations of what we would like to do or be good at, however, there always seems to be something that holds us back...ourselves. 

It can be very easy to say that you want to be an astronaut or want to become an artist, but like all things, you will need to put in the work and effort. Don't give up! It can be all to easy to stop when the going gets tough but remember without hard work how are you supposed to improve? It's like someone who goes to the gym and works-out. If that person doesn't put in the effort to making sure his/her muscles are working hard then there isn't going to be much improvement. 
Hard work can be tiring but is something that produces results when you keep it up, and that's what you need to keep in mind - to keep going and pushing yourself forward to your goal, your ambition!

Other people can also play a big part too. If you get people around you who are encouraging you then this will help your morale and aid you in driving onwards. On the reverse if you get people telling you that you are wasting your time and that you are never going to get anywhere with it, this can have a discouraging affect. Interestingly though when people are discouraging to you, this can also act as motivation to assist you, by wanting to prove your critics wrong and showing them that you can succeed. 

If you do find it tough and the road arduous then there will be no doubt that you will feel like quitting along the way, maybe only the once or maybe several times. When I was learning to play the piano there were many occasion that I wanted to give up but am glad now that I didn't, because now It's something that i couldn't imagine not being in my life - it's definitely a hobby that I'm grateful to have.

A thing that I do when working hard at something that has helped keep me going in many a situation is to think of who else I know is doing what I am doing. That person/or people then become my rival(s) in my head and aid in persisting with what I am doing. For example: I have recently started going to the gym, coming up to two months now, and I know a few other people who also go. I can tell you that it is hard work and sometimes I really don't feel like going, but thanks to thinking about the people I know going to the gym and working out, it unleashes my competitive side and drives me to work-out so that I can better them. I do this for a lot of things and it's something that helps me to carry on. 

In conclusion, yes if you are wanting to improve at something or be good a something or get the job of your dreams etc, you are going to have to apply yourself and work hard, just remember: don't give up. 
If you do find it hard with motivation then a trick that might interest you is this: Don't Break the Chain.

Don't get Involved in Other People's Argumenrts

There are many ways we can find ourselves getting into awkward and/or bad situations, the sort of situation you wish would just blow-over and go away. Some of these situations can't be avoided but yet we still have to face them. One of the circumstances where we can land ourselves in a bad situation is through arguing. 
Some people think that arguing causes results to be produced and for tensions to resolve, I on the other hand just think it makes things much worse and hasty and regrettable things are almost always said. 

Something that I think is even more of a bad decision than arguing...is getting involved in other people's arguments. Involving yourself in other people's arguments even if it seems the right thing to do at the time is not the wise thing to do, it would be a much better use of your energy trying to calm things so that all parties involved can act and think more reasonably. 
Here are some reasons why you shouldn't get involved in other people's disputes. 


1. You'll Get Dragged Into It

This is the most obvious reason to stay out of another person's feud - you'll get dragged in. You may think you're only trying to help by maybe chipping in but you'll find yourself involved. It's all too easy to get involved, especially if it is a friend or family member as naturally you want to stick up for them, but really will it make things better? More often than not if you're sticking-up for someone you are going to get dragged in to a point where you can't get out, and once things are said...there's no easy fix. 

Like I said before you would be wise in spending your efforts trying to diffuse the situation (not by arguing) but even this can come with risks. It can be just as easy to become a target by trying to diffuse the situation simply because you are there in their line of sight, I know the logic doesn't make sense but when people are angry normally logic and reason goes out the window.

2. You Could Make Things Worse

You may go into the argument thinking that you are going to make things better but you could just as easily make things worse than they already are. Point #1 was about being dragged into the argument, so if you are dragged in and you yourself argue then this will not make things better. Plus it seems the more people get involved in an argument the worse it will get as people are bouncing off of each others attitudes and actions, and there are more people to have to try and calm down.

3. You Could Fall Out With These People

An argument is not normally a situation where new friendships are going to form and last a lifetime, it's a situation where more often than not friends are lost and you fall out with people...and sometimes it's never the same again. You need to realise that when you enter an argument you have the ability to say and do some hurtful things, all of which can't be retracted, some of which people unfortunately don't forgive.  

4. Other People Could Lose Respect For You

Think of someone who you know who you wouldn't want to see you if you were arguing and losing your control, or charging headfirst into another person's argument. It's not the most appealing sight to see people argue and if other people you know who you wouldn't want to see you they could quite easily lose respect for you.

Conclusion

Hopefully these points have highlighted in your mind the hazards of getting involved in anothers argument. If you are going to get involved in someone-else's argument which I hope you don't, but if you do, please think carefully about your actions. 

How to get over Shyness

It's a horrible feeling isn't it? When you are out or in a situation where there other people and you feel like you can't be yourself, where you would like to speak up or join in but can't because your shyness is holding you back. Shyness is not uncommon and as human-beings we all experience this, however some individuals are just naturally more shy than others and so can get theirself into a bit of a rut and aren't sure how to get out. Well in this post I am hoping to help and have some tips to how you can get over your shyness.

1. How do you want to Change your Shyness?

If you're reading this post then it's likely that you are wanting to know how to deal with your shyness, or at least certain aspects of it, but to what extent do you want to deal with it? Do you just want to be able to feel comfortable in places where there are large crowds? Do you want to become more comfortable with talking to people? Maybe you want to have a huge lifestyle change and become really outgoing and social? - in which case here are two of my recent posts that you may find useful: How to Become Outgoing and How to Get a Social Life.

Some people like to hold onto you could say some of their shyness as they believe it helps define them as a character, which is fine it's up to whatever they and you choose. 

It's important that you know how much you want to change as this will not only determine how much work is needed to be done but it also gives you a clear goal for you to focus your attentions upon.

2. Get Out of the House More Often

A common thing for shy people to do, and is something that I used to do as mentioned in point #3 , is to not leave the house. When I say this I don't mean that they never leave the house, they most likely will for example: shopping, dog walks, family events, etc. However for the most part they won't feel comfortable with leaving the house and will be happy to return where they feel safe.

When shyness causes you to retreat to being isolated inside their home, it can become concerning for your well-being. The reason I say this is that the more time you spend at home and the less time you leave your home - the less inclined you will become to leave. This isn't something that will happen straight away but can quite easily happen over the course of a couple of months or so, or sometimes even weeks depending upon the person.

You'll start to get into your own routine and go about it from day-to-day, which isn't a bad thing, but you will be a prisoner to your own shyness.

Leaving the house is such an easy yet hard thing to do. Easy because all it requires you to do is to open the front door and leave, and yet hard because you don't really want to leave and even if you do you don't know what you would do?

To leave the house - you don't have to have plans or have something that you need to do in order to do it, in fact you can just do something as simple as going for a walk. Try walking in areas where you know will have people in - the more the better, so for example: towns, cities, villages, the beach, etc...

It's making sure that you expose yourself to the outside world so that you remain (or get) comfortable with leaving the house.

3. Get a Job

This is tip is not meant to be disrespectful or demeaning in any way as I know that getting a job is much easier said than done, and also that some individuals are unable to work for particular circumstances. However, with that said, having a job can be a confidence-booster, especially if this job entails interacting with others. Not only can it be good for confidence-boosting but it can also be an opportunity to forge new friendships and relationships.

I can remember when i didn't have a job and what I was like then. I was already a shy and I suppose a somewhat insecure individual who really did nothing. I wouldn't like to leave the comfort of my house and would feel uncomfortable if I was away from home for too long, the only time I would leave the house would be to walk the dog and even that would be more time spent alone. The rest of my family would be out of the house working and doing things whilst I would just stay at home and let my shyness and insecurities become a little out of control.

It was weird because I knew that I needed to change as I could see that I was ruining my life by letting this shyness take over what I could and mostly couldn't do, and after about 2 years of this and my self-esteem and confidence reaching new lows - I decided to do something about it. I went job-searching!

I spent a good part of a day scouring for jobs and picking up application forms left, right and centre. Then once I was home I got to work on them. Of all the application forms I filled in, only one managed to get me a job interview. So feeling very nervous I went. I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life at the time as I felt extremely out of my comfort zone. After the interview had finished I was hoping that I wouldn't get the job but a couple of weeks later I was phoned to say that I had got it.

At the start I felt very shy - I didn't speak to people and felt uncomfortable being around the other members of staff. I would never go up to the staff room for lunch like the majority of the staff do because I was too timid to. After some time though I noticed that I was talking to a few people briefly and was finding it more tolerable to be where everyone else was.

Now I am so much more confident. I talk to every member of staff, have made new friends, get invited to events, laugh and joke with them all, and feel much more comfortable and confident around people. I also make an effort to talk to the new staff who start, which to my surprise everyone else doesn't as they don't know what to say, but because I feel so much more confident I have become friends with all the new members of staff and have even done things outside of work with them.

Getting a job really did make a difference to my life and is a change that I am very happy with. 

If you are in the process of job searching and have managed to get yourself an interview then you may find these posts helpful: 10 Vital Questions to Ask in a Job Interview and 15 Mistakes to Avoid in an Interview.

4. Join a Club

A club is a great place where you can boost your confidence around others and at the same time enable you to participate in something that you enjoy. If it's a club that causes you to take-part and interact with others for it to work (for example: a team based sports club like football), then you'll become much more used to being around others which will help you to become more confident.

If it's a club you are spotted doing well in, then this will often lead people to see you in a more favorable light, which I know sounds bad and shallow but is very often the case - if you're good at something then people will notice and recognize you for something, and can lead them to trying to include you more.

5. Push those Insecure Thoughts Aside

Don't let those insecure and negative thoughts get you down. Shy and reserved people will often allow these things to fester in their mind, and the more that these thoughts are allowed to dwell there the more likely they are going to make you feel worse. When was the last time a negative thought made you happy?

Negative and insecure thoughts being allowed to linger in your head is really like being in a trap, I've mentioned this above when I spoke about how I let this happen to me, in that the more a person thinks about these harmful thoughts the more their mind will slowly start to distort and take them out of proportion - which will in turn fuel these thoughts to continue, which will then only make the person feel worse and so on and so on...

It's a vicious cycle that traps a lot of people and is often a very hard one to escape from. 

Conclusion

Shyness is no easy feat to get around and is something that will always remain with us, however, it can become manageable and I hope that with these tips and any others you may have that you are able to overcome your shyness.

How to Improve your Mood: 12 Tips

Having to go through low moods and/or depression is a tough and hard thing to escape. With practical changes to ones life though these feelings can be suppressed and you can improve your mood. 

Depending upon how bad a persons depression/low mood is, will have an impact to how well these tips will work. If they are mild enough then these tips may be all that is needed to help them, however if it is more serious then whilst these tips will be helpful for the individual - professional medical advice will be needed.

1. Talk to other People

Having problems and life-dramas can certainly bring your mood down and make it hard for you to deal with them, and when you've got no-one to talk to about it, it can be all the more difficult.

Just having someone to talk to (even if they can't actually change the situation) can really make a big difference because they can offer their moral support and advice.

We all need help sometimes and having people who you trust to depend upon is a comforting prospect. There are those who will offer you emotional help and those who will be able to offer you practical help, both of which you should be (and would be I'm sure) grateful of in a bad situation.

Friends and family members are an obvious choice to start with and can simply be by letting them know of your situation and what you're experiencing. Friends and family members aren't the only choice you have, their are people who you know and are friendly with, yet don't class as a close friend (e.g. A person at work) who you can ask for advice. You can also arrange to go and see support groups in your area or can even phone up support lines. Help from other people can make all the difference.

2. Exercise

Exercise is a great way to lift your mood and is often advised to place into your daily routine as a form of dealing with low moods and/or depression, in fact, it's advised for you to include it in your life anyway in general.

It keeps you active both physically and mentally, keeps you fit, gets you out (unless if you do home exercises), and just makes you feel better in general. It's such a simple thing to start yet so many people push it aside as they doubt that something as simple as exercise can help...but it can.

A couple of reasons to why people don't take up an exercise routine are 1. They see the whole exercising and creating a routine too much of a hassle to organise and to follow-through with, and 2. They believe that it's going to consume too much of their time and they don't have that time to spare.

Well as a matter of fact these people need not worry as it isn't hard to get yourself into a routine and you can work around your time allowance, even if it's only 10-20 minutes a day.

It doesn't have to be something that you hate to do, find something that you enjoy doing, for example: walking, football, swimming, going to the gym, etc.

If you would like to start exercising but aren't sure where to start or to how you go about doing it then here's an article that you may find useful: How to Create an Exercise Plan.

3.Wake-up Early

Waking up early is a fantastic way to kick-start your day. Getting up earlier will allow you to have more time in your day to do things (maybe start that exercise plan), you will feel as if you have more energy throughout the day - which will lead to a more positive outlook.

I won't go into any more detail to why getting up early is good for you but if you would like to read more into it then this is the full article: 10 Benefits of Being an Early Riser.

4. Do Something Fun

Try doing something fun to lighten your mood. It may seem a little childish to some of you who are reading this but is something that will prove its worth soon enough. Whatever you feel like doing (within the law of course:) ): maybe go for some exercise, play some sports, play some games with people? Whatever.

You want to be able to have some enjoyment in your life and by doing something fun can really help you feel better.

I don't include t.v, browsing the Internet, or video games, as doing something fun. Whilst I'm not saying that these can't be fun and/or entertaining, they're really just wasting your time. Coming away from t.v. and the like, I don't know how all of you feel, but I never feel like I have benefited or gained anything when I come away from watching t.v?

The full article about this is here: Is T.V Wasting your Time?

Often it's not even about doing something fun, it's normally about doing something and we will appreciate doing anything to keep our minds off of what is bothering us - it's just nice for it to be fun. 

5. Get a Hobby

Similar to point #5 however this is more of a regular and consistent way to cheer yourself up rather than just doing anything that is fun. Having an activity to partake in which is your hobby is an excellent way to take your mind away from the stress you're going through. If you share your hobby with a friend and you both do it together (for example: golf, tennis, pool/snooker, bird-watching, etc,) you can use point #1 and talk to them about your situation.

6. Get enough Daylight

There are depressive moods that scientists know about that are linked to not having enough exposure to daylight.

I watched a documentary about a year or so ago about the effects of varying light exposure to a person but can't remember what it was called. On this program there was an experiment where they made a person stay inside of their house for a week with his windows boarded up and only a limited amount of the usual light making it through, and throughout the week they monitored his mood. As the week progressed his mood declined and by the end of the week he hated the lack of natural light. When he was allowed to have his house un-boarded and the sunlight was able to shine in again - his mood dramatically improved.

Get outdoors more too and expose yourself to the natural light (don't get burnt when it's sunny though :) ). Morning light is said to be the most beneficial and is something I recommend everyone should get-up to experience.

7. Eat Healthy

Eating the right food with the essential vitamins and minerals your body needs to be sustained is what it needs to have a consistent amount of energy lasting throughout the day. making sure that you eat your 5 fruit and/or veg a day is definitely beneficial for your overall health and well being.

If you are interested here are some posts about fruit and veg: The Benefits of individual Fruits (Part 1), The Benefits of Individual Vegetables (Part 1), and Top 10 Most Popular Fruits.

When people are feeling down they can often turn to alcohol, when they are feeling low on energy they turn to things that are high in caffeine (for example: energy drinks or coffee), it's not too hard to see a slight connection to a persons feelings and food.

8. Get Enough Sleep

There is still a lot that is unknown about sleep that science has yet to uncover but it has been advised that people with depression or low moods should make sure that they are getting enough sleep. People who feel refreshed and aren't tired allow their mind to function better than that of a sleep deprived person because our bodies need sleep to recharge, and will prevent, or at least limit, tiredness bringing down their mood.

Not only is it advised that you should get enough sleep but also that you should stick to a regular sleeping routine.

Here are two articles that go more into sleep: The Functions of Sleep and How much Sleep do we Need?

9. Deal with Stressful Problems 

There are so many stressful problems that enter our lives that we have to deal with. Sometimes they appear like a bull in a china shop and other times they very discretely enter into your life without you realising it and cause you hassle. 

Stress is a killer and can definitely without a shadow of a doubt bring down a  person's mood. 

Go through what stresses are in your life (if you have them which most people do) and then decide what you are going to do about it. A lot of stressful things are things that can be sorted or will get sorted, for example: starting a new job, moving house,meeting new people, having more work than usual to get through, etc.

Sometimes there wont be a quick fix to your problem(s) and so will have to be something that you have to make the best of a bad situation about, for example: losing a job, dealing with an illness, having social problems, etc.

I've written an article about stress before if you would like to read more about it: The Common Causes of Stress and how to Deal With it. 

10. Smile More

Such a small and simple action to do yet can still have an effect on your mood. Forcing yourself to smile and telling yourself that you are happy can have a positive effect on how you view situations in life. If you're always optimistic and are trying to look on the bright side of life, then you won't have as much time for dwelling on the negatives. 

11. Stick to a Plan

A suggestion that is often made by professionals and is normally encouraged for those dealing with depression, is to make sure that your life has structure to it. If your mind isn't kept busy then it can start to dwell on matters and make it seem worse than it is, which is why suggested that you stick to a schedule.

Make sure you are strict about keeping to your schedule as it is very easy to skip one or two things on it, and once that happens you can be sure that you are likely going to stop doing more jobs that you are supposed to do, and then next give up on it all together. 

Productivity is a great way to make use of your time and has an uplifting response once you've completed what needs to be done and it's this positive effect that is good for your mind. You can see that you are getting things done and you like the results you are seeing and in return for your labour you are able to experience the satisfying feeling of productivity.  

Two posts that you may find helpful are: 7 Benefits of a Schedule and How to Plan a Schedule.

12. Don't Over-schedule

Another thing that can quite easily bring your mood down is having too much on your plate. When you have too much to get through and it becomes an endless fight trying to finish it all, can make life feel like you're living for the schedule - which it shouldn't be about. 

There's nothing wrong with having a lot of things to get through daily because for some people they thrive in that environment, but for others (and in fact for those workaholics too) when there is too much to do it can become too much for us to cope with and handle.

How to Become Outgoing

It can become quite easy over time to become an introverted individual, to not really leave the house spending longer periods of time on your own. Well this will not only have a negative affect upon your social life but also your confidence-levels and self-esteem. 

You may have once been an extrovert but now because of all the time you spend by yourself, you're now a shy reserved introvert who is nervous and/or uncomfortable around others. So as you become more shy and withdraw yourself from the outside world - the less you will want to interact with people which will only make you more shy and introverted. It becomes a viscous cycle where the only way to break it is to become outgoing. But how do you become outgoing? Well hopefully with these tips I'm about to share with you you will be able to become more of an outgoing person.


1. Attitude

The first thing about wanting to become outgoing is your attitude towards wanting to make it work. If you want to become outgoing but are expecting it to just happen like magic - then it won't happen at all. Shifting from an introvert to an extrovert is going to require effort on your behalf so you will need to have the desire and right attitude to want to make this work, involving doing something about it.

2. Smile at people

It's surprising how shy a person can become from spending too much time by themselves - to the point where they don't even feel confident enough to make eye-contact and/or interaction with a person at all. So with this in mind make it a new goal of each day to smile at at least 2 different people (excluding your family). At first you may feel frightened to do so, and it's not encouraging when the other person doesn't smile in return, but don't be discouraged or disheartened - over time it will get better and soon you will wonder why you ever made a big-deal about simply smiling at people because it will be automatic. 

3. Get out of the house more

This doesn't have to be for going to meet-up with people, it is so that you will become more used to getting out of the house and seeing others go about their daily life. You could try going to shops to buy something or take a walk through areas where lots of people are. The more you are around people - the more comfortable you will become and this will help with your confidence.

4. Say hi to people

A great tip to get you more used to interacting with others is to simply say "hi" to people. It could be to a person who walks past you in the street who you make eye-contact with, it could be to a person who serves you at a shop, to people who you work with, to anyone really. You don't have to do it to everyone you meet and is best that you don't as it could seem a bit strange. Just make it another goal to say hi to at least 2 people a day.

5. Make a joke or two

When you're around a person or people, allow yourself to make a joke or two. People don't always want to talk seriously and are often glad of some humour. You may make jokes that don't get any attention at all or backfire but the more you get used to making them, the more you will be able to judge what people find humorous. Then when you finally receive some laughs you will have a confidence-boost and this will help you to relax more around others. 

6. Start a conversation with someone

Now you can't do this with everyone because not everyone wants a conversation. For example: people who you walk past in the street. The majority of people who you pass in the street will not want to start a conversation with you as they are heading somewhere (although there are some that would happily start talking to you).

This tip is usually best when people are stationary or when something has just happened. For example: whilst at the bus-stop, whilst in a queue, maybe something has just happened near to you and others and you just simply make a comment.

You could start with a question (e.g. what time is the bus?) or a comment about something that could be on both your minds (brrr, it's cold today isn't it?). Do this a couple of times to the same person (different questions though of course) and if they reply with one-word answers then you know that a conversation is most likely not going to happen. If however, the person replies with a sentence or asks a question or makes a joke, then this is a good indication that you could probably start-up a conversation with them. 

7.  Further friendships

Try to further any friendships you have with people or with people you meet, or with people who you used to speak to. Talk to them regularly and get it to the stage where you are both comfortable talking to each other and can do so easily. Get it to the point where you are inside the 'friendship-loop/circle' as it were and are no longer just a friend who isn't involved. You may be asked to do something or you may have to ask to do something and if it gets you doing something then good for you. :)

8. Join a club

A club is a great thing to be involved in as it will give you something to do and will get you to interact with others or at least be around others. If it's a sport then you will definitely be interacting with others (well with one or two exceptions) and this will be great for your confidence. You may also make a friend or two at your chosen club(s) which could lead to other possibilities to do things. 

9. Give complements 

Everyone likes a complement and by giving them people will be more likely to give them back to you. You'll feel better for doing so and others will take more of a liking to you - which could possibly lead to conversations in the future which could lead to friendships which could lead to doing activities together. 

10. Be Helpful

Being helpful is another great thing to do to help boost confidence to be able to do outgoing things. If they seem angry it's not your fault - normally people get flustered in certain situations and find it hard to remain calm, so if they do snap at you don't take it to heart. You'll also get used to interacting with people you've just met which will improve conversation skills too.


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Benefits of Sharing

Sharing is seen as an act of kindness, something that is seen as a morally good thing to do. We're taught whilst growing up from an early age that sharing is something that is not only good for us and others but is something that we 'should' do.

When we're in our younger years many of us found it easier to share than we do now being older. Whether this is because as children we're naturally more easy-going or maybe because now we're older and have more expenses, we have a clearer knowledge of the value of things. Whatever the reason we can all go through stages of not sharing because in all honesty we don't want to share.

Sharing though is a good thing and is something that I definitely feel we should incorporate into our lives. Here's some benefits why.

1. People will share back

Through sharing with someone the most common benefit that is going to occur comes in the form of that person/those people sharing back. Say, for example, that a friend is going to buy some lunch but has forgotten there money so you decide to share and lend them some money for lunch, this friend (it doesn't have to be a friend) will more than likely share with you in the future in return for what you have just done.

It's always the case, people who share with others will often find that these same people will share back in return for their kindness.

2. People will take more of a liking towards you

Sharing with others will not only see people sharing back with you but will also see other people taking more of an liking towards you a bit more. This is because the person will feel that you respect them enough or value them enough to share with them, so because of your kindness people will start to see you in more of a favourable light.

Now I'm not saying that sharing with people will mean that they're going to suddenly like you, no, I'm not saying either that people are going to suddenly want to become friends with you, what I am saying is that people will often take a better view of you because of the sharing you have displayed. This isn't to say that friendships can't stem from your act of kindness because they can.

3. Leaves you feeling happier

When you share with someone and see that they are grateful for your act of kindness - it will give you a warm feeling of happiness, down to purely the fact that you can see that you have helped them out. It's a simple self-satisfying experience to see that you can help others out, it just leaves you feeling in a better mood.

4. People will feel more comfortable around you

Often through the simple act of sharing a opening can occur that develops into a conversation just simply because there will be a sort of middle ground now between you, you for sharing and them for borrowing. Conversations of course won't always occur just because you shared something, however, that person/those people will feel a little more comfortable being around you because they will feel more accepted by you because of your act of sharing with them.

5. Builds trust

Whenever someone shares something with another individual or group, whatever it is, there is an element of trust involved. A very basic example is borrowing a pen from someone - they are trusting that you will give it back and you are trusting that you will be a able to borrow from them again in the future. From these experiences of sharing, is one of the ways to develop trust.

How to Improve your Reading Ability

We read every day in this modern era, maybe not in the form of a book but in other ways. Emphasis is being placed more and more on reading. You find it everywhere: books, instructions, advertisements, signs, labels, stickers, technology etc. Basically reading is something that is part of this world.

Believe it or not, if you are wanting to improve your reading skills, it's totally within your grasp. Just follow these simple tips and you'll see an improvement over time and with consistency. 

1. Read more

There are people out there, I'm sure you know one or two of them, who are very gifted readers and have a very impressive reading ability. Normally these people will have their head in a book giving the impression that they are sort of non-stop readers.

Well, there's no coincidence that these seemingly gifted readers are always reading because it's all the reading that they do that gives them a brilliant reading ability. Now I'm not saying that all gifted readers read a lot - some are just naturally gifted (like everyone is at something), but on the whole the majority of readers with great reading ability is as a result of reading a lot.

So make it a goal to start reading more, you don't have to start swallowing books each day but reading two or more pages of something wouldn't hurt. Pick a book and say to yourself "I'm going to read at least 'x' amount of pages each day until this book is finished. Make sure that you do do this every day - exposure is the best thing you can do. After that book is finished, or other reading material, move onto the next. 
A great motivational technique that you may find useful is 'don't break the chain'.

Also when you're out and about, take time to read signs, markings, advertisements and the like. This is so that you can have as much exposure as possible to reading. 

2. Learn vocabulary

This is another simple yet affective tip to do - learn the meaning of more words. When reading you're bound to at some time or another come across a word that you aren't too familiar with. So by looking it up will cause you to have a greater understanding of what you are reading and at the same time will get you used to pronunciation (that's if you make sure that you pronounce it when looking it up,) helping with when you come across similar constructed words in the future.

3. Read challenging material

Making sure that you keep challenging yourself with new, innovative, and hard material is brilliant for improving your reading. If you are always reading material that you feel comfortable with - that's both good and bad. It's good because you know what your reading ability is able to handle, it's bad because you're not pushing yourself to think about what you're reading - not in the same sense as when you read challenging material. For example: a piece of challenging material may take the form of a non-fictional quantum-mechanics book. Whilst you may not know about quantum-mechanics, you are bound to come across unfamiliar words, layout, and/or style. It's things like this that will get you used to reading harder texts and is something that you should consider if wanting to see a good improvement of your reading ability.

4. Read out loud and in your head

Another thing you can do that will make you think more about what you are reading is to read both in your head and out loud. Do about half a page out-loud and then switch to in-head. This will get you used to switching between out-loud and in-head and will cause you to think slightly differently between these two actions about the pronunciation of words. It's also helpful if you will have to read out loud to groups of people, whether that's as a student in class or a person giving a public speech. 

5. Read where you can concentrate

It's no good reading something that you aren't able to focus upon because of outside influences, for example; a distracting and noisy environment. It's no good reading a piece of material if you aren't going to be able to properly focus on it, and if you're not going to properly focus on it then you are not going to get the benefits of reading or see an improvement in your reading ability.

Some people are able to remain focused in even the most distracting locations - something that comes with practice, and so for them at least, it would be fine to read in noisy and distracting places because they can still keep a good level of concentration. For the majority of us this isn't the case and so reading somewhere where you are less compelled to look away from what you are reading would be a better choice. 

Conclusion

Improving your reading skills will take time for your mind to adapt, as the skill of reading is a difficult one, but when you start to read regularly and apply these tips, you're bound to see an improvement as time goes by. It's just getting yourself to take the time to have a go - that's the most difficult part. Good luck.

Why you Need a Goal

We all know about the act of having and setting a goal right. You focus on something that you want to achieve and accomplish, and then you go about trying to do just that.

I'm sure that the vast majority of you who are reading this, at some point or another in your life, have set yourself a goal. It may have only been a short-term goal, it may have been a long-term goal, but I'm sure that you're familiar with the process of goal-setting. 

Setting a goal is the first step you take to accomplishing that goal because without a goal there's nothing to accomplish in the first place. From here it's just going through the actions and steps that are needed to complete that goal.

There are some valid reasons why you should set yourself goals and not just on occasions but regularly, incorporating them into your daily life.

1. Causes Change

The biggest and most profound effect that a goal can have on your life is change. If you want to change your current position then you will need to set yourself a goal, without doing so will mean your situation will never change because you will have no motivation to do so. Every day that passes by is another opportunity to begin the process of change and set yourself a goal. Every day that goes by and a goal is not set is an opportunity missed.

Now there are some people who are more passive than others and are completely happy with their life and are not really bothered about change or goal-setting - and that's completely fine. However, for a lot of people, whilst change can be scary, it will need to happen if you want to achieve your goal(s).

2. Causes ambition

Having something tangible for you to strive for will allow for the creation of ambition. A personal goal is a representation of what you want, not the goal of somebody else, but your own goal. It's this personal goal that you have and that you want to see achieved is what will help drive you forward and create the ambition needed.

Without having a goal it is almost, if not fully, impossible to have ambition. Without ambition nothing will change or happen in the way that you want. So having a goal is definitely a part of ambition.

3. Keeps you to a high standard

A goal is not only a source of drive and change, but also a challenge for you to raise your standards. This is something that will naturally occur with goal-setting.

The purpose of setting a goal is to try and achieve something that you haven't done before or aren't yet at the standard to achieve. This is where to achieve your goal you must need to go through the process of growing and raising your game to the point where that goal becomes reachable and grab-able.

4. Less likely to be distracted

It's very easy to become distracted, probably in today's age more than ever, and can be very annoying for you when you're not wanting to be distracted. Having a goal will allow you to have a clear target and point of focus so that when distractions come up, you're still able to know where you are heading and why.

It's having a worthwhile goal that enables our minds to not become as easily distracted because you want to achieve your goal.

If you would like to read more about concentration, here's a previous post of mine: Concentration techniques.

5. Helps to boost productivity

Having a personal goal that you will need to work for to achieve will have a positive correlation with that of productivity and will help to ward off procrastinating behaviour. Motivating yourself to be productive and not letting yourself waste time can be a truly difficult thing to do, but having a goal to aspire for will help you to remain determined to keep being active in your goal-aspirations.

If you would like to read more on becoming more productive, here's an earlier post of mine: 21 ways to boost productivity.  

6. Boosts confidence

Now I'm not saying that having a goal will turn the shyest of people to become the most outgoing, overconfident of people - this isn't realistic, although I don't doubt that it could happen (if that was your goal). What I'm saying is by having a goal and seeing the improvements you are making as the process moves further forward it can lead to a self-satisfying experience and does help to naturally boost confidence in ones own abilities.

7. Sense of achievement

This benefit comes right at the end of the process of having a goal, and that's actually completing your goal. The sense of achievement that you will feel is great when you do this, especially if it was a particularly challenging aspiration.

It's when you've fulfilled your personal goal and seen the results, you can look back and say "you know what, that was worth the effort". Being able to look back and see the change from start to finish is definitely rewarding. It will also help motivate you to set more goals to achieve. 

Conclusion

I hope that through this post you can see why having a goal is an important and powerful tool at your disposal, and is something that you should consider placing into your own life regularly if you don't already. 

Benefits of Writing a Notebook

I have recently got a notebook and am quite enthusiastic about sharing the benefits of using one. I record anything in my notebook - ideas, thoughts, facts, recipes, physics and maths, vocabulary, quotes, sketches, anything that I feel like really. I use a mini pocket flip pad (for about £1) that I carry with me to write down anything that comes into my head. I then have a nicer moleskin notebook at home, that I write things in neat and in which I organise ideas and thoughts. It's actually really interesting to read through, but I think that's because it's my own notebook.

There are lots of people who recognise the benefits of writing in a notebook, being very popular amongst writers, but are also used by a vast amount of people who aren't writers. Why? Because of the benefits that keeping a notebook brings. Albert Einstein; Beethoven; Mark Twain; Charles Darwin; George Lucas; Benjamin Franklin; Isaac Newton; Pablo Picasso; and Thomas Edison, all kept notebooks. Not to mention the fictional character Sherlock Holmes. 

1. Creativity

Notebooks are great for promoting creativity as it is a place where you can really let your mind run wild. There's never any worry about being right or wrong because it's your own personal notebook and is meant for your thoughts, ideas, and anything else that you decide to record.

The more that you write in a notebook, the more thoughts and ideas will come to you. This is something that I've noticed since recently gaining my notebook - my creativity seems to have seen a improvement and my notebook is filling up with the things that I want it to be filled with.

2. Inspiration

Inspiration is another thing that springs to mind when discussing the benefits of having a notebook. When looking back through my notebook, I start to become inspired, not because it's the most amazing notebook in the history of mankind, but because new ideas pop into my head about how I can expand or improve upon earlier topics and ideas that I have recorded.

Depending how often you write in your notebook and how long for, will determine how much material you will have to inspire you. The more you write, the more you have to work with, it can be quite shocking how a previous note that you have written can inspire you to achieve something new. 
Albert Einstein when trying to perfect his formulae for his theory of general relativity, came across a discarded formula of his from 3 years before, which looking at these 3 years later inspired him with what he needed to perfect his theory.

3. Keep ideas

Depending upon what you intend for your notebook to contain will depend upon the context of the ideas that you have, but usually when people have a notebook they will jot down ideas. This will allow you to not have to worry about having to try and hold onto a good idea in your head as it will be securely written down in your notebook. 

4. Promotes better writing and reading

The more you do of something, naturally the better you will get. So when writing in your notebook frequently you are going to find that over time your writing will mature. When I look back to some of my first blog posts and then compare them to my most recent ones - I can see the difference in the style and (I would like to think) quality of each post.  
Because it's your own notebook, I assume that you are going to be interested in reading what you have wrote, meaning that as well as your writing seeing an improvement; so will your reading. 

5. Enjoyment

I don't know what it is, but there is something quite enjoyable about the physical act of writing and seeing the results of your work. Writing, I think, seems to help reduce stress as-well and leaves me feeling calmer, and because it reduces stress - it seems to be more enjoyable. As humans, we are 'touchy-feely' creatures, and so be physically holding a pen and acting out the act of writing brings a feeling of comfort.

6. Gives you perspective

Writing a notebook will be able to give you perspective on your life. What you think is important, what you're focusing on, where you would like to be, etc. It kinda allows you to see yourself as another person but yet as the same person. When rummaging through things in your mind, often you wont stop to ask yourself questions about why you are thinking what you are thinking, or what extraneous things are having an impact upon you to effect who you are. These in themselves can be quite deep questions, but when seeing your thoughts written down - it is a lot easier for you to think about these question in more detail.

You'll notice how your thoughts develop over time, and how something that seemed like a priority or of utmost importance (say back in high school for example), just seems trivial now. Having these writings at your disposal will give you the opportunity at giving you perspective on your life, and really, an insight to who you really are as a person.

7. Tells something about your identity

If you fill up a notebook and you decide to keep it for years, maybe for future members of family to read one day, if you're not around to speak to them, through your notebook they will be able to build up a better picture about who you are or were and what you are or were like. Today with modern technology you will be able to record photos and videos for the future, but personal writings can be some of the most revealing and intriguing for future generations. Who knows, your notebook could inspire them to go on and do something amazing.