How to Gain Trust: 4 Tips

Being trustworthy is a highly valued quality in a person, trust is one of the key foundations of any relationship that we have with people. If you're worried that people might not trust you then you can incorporate these tips to help gain trust between others.


1. Honesty

You've often heard "honesty is the best policy", reason being; because it is. The more you tell the truth to other people, the more they are going to trust what you say - seems like common sense. 

Don't go avoiding those white lies either, a white lie whilst you may think is harmless, is still a lie, the fact that we call them a white lie is just an excuse for us to lie when we want to. If you can tell 'white lies' with ease, what's to stop you from starting to tell lies more often?
You may be thinking, "well surely I shouldn't tell the truth if it is going to offend someone?" You don't have to offend someone by telling the truth, telling the truth doesn't mean that you have to be completely blunt and straight to the point  where it could be seen as bordering on rude. For example: Say a family member or partner asks you if what they are wearing makes them look fat. If what they are wearing does make them look slightly larger than they usually do, you don't have to say "yes" because you are telling the truth. You could say something like "You look fine (which shouldn't be a lie as a persons weight shouldn't be a problem to you), but I think that other thing you were wearing looked better on you". A person would much rather you state your honest opinion, and will value you it more if you were to give advice. If people know that you don't lie and are an honest individual then you will be considered more trustworthy.

2. Avoid Vagueness

When a situation arises where you could be vague, instead don't be and go into more detail. For example: If you are asked how was your day?, a very simple and vague answer would be to say fine. However, you could say why it was fine, what went well and what didn't. If a person sees that you are willing to share information then they're likely to do so with you.

3. Don't Gossip

Gossiping is a horrible thing to do and is something that we're all guilty of at some time or another. If a person entrusts you with some information, why then would you go and tell others and betray their trust? All that you are doing is wanting to be the first one to share some unknown information with people for a topic of conversation, it's idle talk about someone-elses privacy . The end result will be the same when that person finds out that you have been the one to instigate the gossiping about them - they will lose there trust in you, and could lead to a falling-out over the matter which is something best avoided.

I can remember a time earlier in my life where I had been the instigator of gossip involving someone, not out of maliciousness, but for something to talk about. Looking back I can see that it wasn't a nice thing to do and was not the way I should have behaved. I did end up falling out with that person over it regrettably for a few weeks. The gossip died down after only a day or two though, so after I was left with an awkwardness around the people involved. Since then, luckily and thankfully, I have been able to make up with them and they are my friends to this day. It has been one of those experiences that you learn from, you don't have to make that mistake though, learn from others mistakes - like mine.

4. Don't Break Promises

This ties directly in with not lying. Keeping your promises shows that you are a dependable person, and for someone to trust you will require them to think you are a dependable person. It doesn't have to be officially made known that it is a promise for you to have to keep it. So often you'll hear people say "yeah I did say I would do that but I never promised it" as an excuse for not doing something that they said they would do.
If you say you are going to do something then you should follow through with actions, and if people see that you do what you say you are going to do then they will mark you out as a dependable person who they can trust.

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

George MacDonald

My 10,000 Hour Challenge

Some of you are likely to have heard of or about the 10,000 hour rule which was popularized in Malcolm Gladwell's book 'Outliers'.
The 10,000 hour rule in summary, is a theory that suggests that in order to become an expert, or to gain mastery, in a field of one's choice, one must put in enough deliberate practice to get to that level...10,000 hours worth in fact.  
The term deliberate practice refers to practice where you are engaged and fully concentrating on what you are doing, not just messing around or doing what you like, but challenging yourself and pushing yourself to improve. 

There are mixed opinions when it comes to the '10,000 hour rule'. Some people are fully behind the concept 100%, whilst others are more on the skeptical side. I won't go into the arguments for and against as you can just Google them, but I will state my opinion on the theory.

I believe that it differs from person to person, different learning-rates and intelligence being a factor, also depending upon how you learn/the way you are taught.. I've heard that practicing 2 hours a day the wrong way is equivalent to 30 minutes practicing the right way, which is why 'deliberate' practice is mentioned, or 'quality' practice. I wouldn't say that 10,000 hours is a magical benchmark in which you automatically gain mastery status upon achievement of, but 10,000 hours is a lot of time put into a field of choice and so is feasible that you could become an expert. 10,000 hours whatever the outcome,is going to leave you in a much better position than when you first started. 

Intrigued with idea however, I decided that I would test out this theory for myself. I know that there is going to be a long road ahead and that it won't be an easy feat by any means, and is going to reveal how committed I can remain, and if I have enough self discipline for the task in front of me. If I do manage to get to the end of this long road (which I plan to), I'll be able to see if hard work really can get you to an all new standard.

To put into perspective about how much practice is required to meet the 10,000 hour benchmark, it will take you 10 years of practicing 3 hours every day of the year (365 days) to reach 10,000 hours...well 10,990 hours to be more precise. You can see the level of commitment that is required to achieve this ambitious landmark. Some inspiring and motivating present 10,000 hour challenges can be found here: TheDanPlan and DevinWilliams712.

So what is my 10,000 hour challenge? Well, some of you may be aware that I play the piano. I've managed to get past grade 8 but am definitely not an expert. I've never enjoyed practicing and have always found it a chore, so I would do the minimum I could get away with or none at all.

Around a year ago, maybe a little less, I quit lessons for various reasons. As a result of quitting lessons, I no longer 'had' to practice, and stopped playing almost altogether, familiarizing myself once or twice every couple of months before stopping again. 
However, I am now wanting to get into a consistent and self-disciplined routine where I see myself get to a much higher level.

I started the piano coming up to 10 years ago now, but because I hardy practiced - I would be surprised if I had even reached 1,500 hours of practice, and I'm guessing that around 500 of those hours is all you could say were 'quality' hours. So you can probably tell that even though I'm not new to this field, I still have so much to improve upon to even come close to an experts level.

The amount of determined practice per day that I'm going to aim for is 2-3 hours minimum. From only touching the piano a few times in the last year to setting myself a target of 2-3 hours of practice a day is going to be a big shock, but is something I'll need to get used to. 
I didn't want to do an hour a day as I felt that that was too little time to spend on improving, taking 28 years to finish!!! No, 2 - 3 hours seems like a good daily target, and I can always play much more than that if I feel like it. 

At the time of you reading this post I will be already 7 days into this monumental challenge. I will be giving updates to how I'm doing every 30 days or so.

How to be Less Sensitive

Firstly before I get into this post, I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. In fact sensitivity often enables us to sympathize and empathize with others better than less sensitive people. So why bother becoming less sensitive?

This post isn't aimed at getting rid of a persons sensitivity, no - that would not be a good thing to strive for, but at those who are over-sensitive. Overly-sensitive people can often have problems in their day-to-day lives that other people don't, such as: overreacting to comments & situations, taking offense over trivial things, becoming upset over trivial things, feeling vulnerable and threatened, etc. These can make that persons day-to-day living harder than you might expect.
For those of you who are more sensitive than the average person and would like to put a restraint on how sensitive you are, good news, you can reduce your sensitivity.


1. Don't take Everything to Heart

Don't take offense at, or to heart, everything that somebody else says, if you do - you are going to be offended a lot. Not everyone is out to make you feel upset of distressed so don't take the things people say to heart when they have no intention of trying to cause you emotional harm. 

If you are offended over what someone says that is purposefully directed at you, have you ever thought that it could be because it's true? Sometimes the truth hurts, and when someone says something that we are unhappy with maybe it is because there is truth behind it? Say to yourself  "Is this a true statement?" and if it is, then maybe it is a justified statement? Of course not all true statements are fair to bring up and are completely unnecessary, but sometimes they are.

Another thing that can be taken the wrong way and is generally dramatized inside the mind is criticism. No-one likes criticism as it points out flaws with what you are doing and so is something you could improve upon. Now the person telling you this could be meaning it in a constructive sense or they could be doing it out of spite - lets have a look at both.
If the person is giving criticism constructively it is more than likely because:

• a) they want to help you improve where you need to improve

• b) it is vital that you improve for whatever reason (e.g. in the workplace)

• c) They feel you would benefit from the criticism by knowing where improvements could be made, and in the long-run (and short-run) be better for you.

If the criticism is given constructively then it isn't because they are wanting to bring you down or say it provoke an emotional response, they're doing it because they want to help. So don't fly off the handle or let your emotions get the better of you, just think to yourself that it can't have been nice giving the criticism and that it's good of them to want to help.

If they are doing it spitefully just for the sake of putting you down, again, don't let your emotions get the better of you. It can be very easy to allow your reaction to be based off of emotion (as so many are) rather than thought. Don't let it bother you and carry on, you can say something as simple as "okay, thanks" and just carry on doing what you are doing.

2. What Triggers your Sensitivity?

It is common for a person to be more sensitive in one area than others.  Are we reacting to what is happening now? or are we reacting upon instinct? Often when someone reacts to somebody else at the time, the person is either sad, angry, under stress, etc. These emotions can often lower someones tolerance-levels. It can be something as simple as another person asking them to do something. 

It's common for a trigger to be the result of a earlier life-event. For example: They have trouble with people in authority because they were under the authority of an over-controlling parent perhaps? This is just one example of a previous experience that could trigger a persons sensitivity to react more strongly towards a situation.
When you do feel your sensitivity wavering, stop, and think about a past experience that could be the trigger of your current emotions in the situation, and if it does stem back to a earlier event, then you have something that you need to address.

However, not all triggers are from past events and may be something that has grown and materialized over time. Look into what you find hard to deal with, and don't just have a quick think before declaring to yourself that you are fine, really look deep within yourself and have a search for what bothers you and gets your emotions going. It can be easy to avoid doing this because you avoid the sensitive issues that you don't really want to have to think about and actually want to bury and forget. As long as those feeling remain there however, the sensitivity to those issues will also remain.

3. Don't Lie to Yourself

Over sensitivity is a topic commonly avoided and can be normal for it to be a sensitive subject for others, bringing out denial. A very hard task can sometimes be realising that you too may be a sensitive person, and your characteristics and certain behaviours could actually be a way of coping with sensitive subjects. Not many people can honestly and openly admit to a problem when they have one, or spend the time contemplating on why and how it came about. These people who do though are the people who are able to make change and take hold of their problem and change. 

A big step in finding out if you are overly-sensitive around certain issues is simply by taking the step to search within yourself for answers. Sometimes this process can take hours of self-conflict to gain any results, but this is good, self-conflict indicates that you are putting effort and thought into gaining insight to how you actually feel.

4. Govern your Emotions

Much easier said than done. When you feel your emotions starting to take hold of you, or you can foresee a situation arising whereby your emotions are going to take hold, stay calm and think about what is going on. Is it really something to get worked up over? Take a deep breath and move past it, calm yourself down. Reacting in a calmer state generally produces a better outcome than when acting on pure impulse as an emotional response. You are less likely to have regrets later on too. 

5. Talk About it

Letting these sensitive issues ferment inside you isn't healthy for your well-being, they won't go away on their own and will fester inside of you. Talking to someone you trust is a great way to alleviate the burden that you hold. Opening up will not only get you thinking about these 'sore areas' but can often be a surprise to how much the subject bothers you and/or upsets you. The person will be able to comfort you and will often give advice about what they think you should do. You don't need to tell the world about it, but only 1 or 2 people who you trust. For example: a family member, a close friend, etc.

Conclusion

Keep in mind that most people aren't out to offend or hurt you, sometimes it's a persons characteristic. Find the trigger(s), keep calm, look deep within, and talk about it. Also remember that being sensitive is not a bad thing and can often aid a person in conveying sympathy to others, and can have a better view to how others are feeling at a given moment. 

10 Ways to Become Less Clingy

Being clingy, whilst shows that you have strong feelings for your partner, can become an annoyance and in more extreme cases push them away from you. Of course your partner will be thrilled that you want to be with them and spend time talking with them, what they won't appreciate however is you acting almost obsessively over them, not letting them have their own free time and life.

When someone in the relationship makes clear that they would like some space, it is a big indication to how clingy a person is.
Follow these tips and you should be able to become less clingy.

1. Know your Behaviour

I've said this many times before and this certainly won't be the last time that I'm going to mention it: When wanting to change a bad habit you have to first acknowledge that you have one. If the acknowledgement of your problem is not there then what are you planning on changing, if you don't see a bad habit then why bother? So this is the first and foremost step in tackling this predicament. 

2. Where's the Trust

Clinginess often stems from trust issues that the clingy individual has. Whatever the reason for why they have them, a relationship with no trust just won't work. Maybe their trust issues were sparked due to an earlier life incident that left them emotionally scarred, which is often how people develop a habit to not trust others, and over the years can become increasingly worse.

Don't let your distrust of your partner cause you to say rash things or to make you say accusations against them, based on just how you feel.
Talk to your partner about your trust problems and explain that you have a hard time trusting people, and that it isn't directed at them intentionally - it's just a part of you that you would like to change and overcome.

Your partner is there to support you in times like this, and if you want to work through these issues then they will be willing (I would hope so) to help in any way possible. There is no quick-fix to serious trust issues, but with a change to your perspective upon things; the support of those around you; and time, you should get there in the end.

3. Don't be so Anxious

Anxiety is often linked to stress and normally has roots deep within the person. Maybe it's because you can't handle everything that is going on in your life and feel that everything is getting on top of you? 
When you become stressed, anxious, or panicky, whilst its an indication that you feel like you have to worry about something, remember: what situation gets better through worrying and getting yourself worked up?

Here are two articles that you may want to read: '8 Unconventional Ways to Fight Anxiety' and 'The Common Causes of Stress and how to Deal with it'.

4. Have other Commitments

A great way to stop clinginess or at least reduce it is by leading a busy fulfilling life - easier said than done. Try to include things in your life that you could do regularly and look forward to doing. Take up a hobby that you would like to pursue, join a club of some sorts, make sure that you have something that occupies your time. 
If you don't have much going on apart from work or education etc, then it is very easy for you to want to spend all of your free time with your partner or best friend, but if your life has at least one fun/rewarding activity - your week can become much more fulfilling. You could then add another activity to your weekly/monthly list and slowly fill your schedule, having a balanced life between your 'own time' and the time which you spend with your partner or best friend(s).

5. Build Confidence

Another possible reason for clingy behaviour could be down to an insecurity and lack of self-confidence. You may have fears that you are always going to remain alone and that you will never find someone to settle down with. A lot of people have these fears but it doesn't mean that you need to be clingy when you do meet someone.
These sort of fears can cause clingy people to become overly-clingy if they meet someone because they have a genuine fear of losing them - but sadly clinginess can quite often have that effect and end up pushing them away, no-one really wants to be feel smothered 24/7 in a relationship.

If you are more self-confident and are happier with yourself as a person then you probably won't be so obsessive with making sure that you don't lose people when you meet them (not meaning to sound harsh there). The point is that a bit of self-confidence could do the world of good with helping you in this situation.

6. Have your own goals

This is very similar to having commitments. Having your own goals are things that you must strive for if you want to achieve, and therefore must include dedicating some of your time towards. These goals can be as simple or as difficult as you like. Some example: training for a sporting event, getting in better shape, revising for an degree, etc. 

Here's an article that you may find interesting relating to this topic: Why you Need a Goal.

7. Learn to Spend Time Alone

The majority of clingy people don't like spending time alone and prefer to spend 98% of their time with other people. If you are always spending time with other people, when there comes a time when you are alone and need to occupy yourself, you are going to find it hard to not get bored spending that time by yourself unless you have something to do.

Spending time by yourself does not mean you can't do anything and that you have to be bored.

• Go Shopping - You can look at what you want and aren't under the constraints of others.
• Go for a Walk - Take yourself for a walk. The fresh air and exercise are great for your body and the time can help you clear your head. 
• Draw or Read - Drawing and reading are two great ways to pass the time and can become something that you look forward to doing. Here are two articles that you may find interesting: 'How to get Better at Drawing' and '10 Benefits of Reading'.
• Take up a Hobby - As mentioned in point #4, a hobby can become more than something to pass the time when you are alone, it can also become a commitment that you purposefully make time to do.

8. Don't Assume that People want you to take Care of them


Clingy people may feel the need to take care of others, I put emphasis on the 'need'. They feel like they need to give advice and pointers for other peoples situations when in fact the other person doesn't need it. Sometimes others will want you for your advice but don't assume that everybody needs it or wants, it can be very easy to come across as patronising. Give it when they ask, don't act like their mother. 

9. Give People Space

Everybody needs their own space and won't appreciate someone else glued to their side constantly, even in a relationship this can become very annoying. Learn to give others the space they need, it's not the end of the world if you don't see them every single day of the year. 

I'm not suggesting that you don't spend time together or that it is wrong to spend a lot of time together but when that becomes your life, and you get to the point where all you want to do is spend time with that person and they don't have room to breath...I think it would be very wise to take a step back.  
Giving space doesn't only mean not being with them but also refraining from texting/messaging/phoning them as this will still have the same smothering effect. 

Try to read some signs that may indicate that this person wants some space. For example: he/she may not be answering your calls or texts as often, maybe they mention how they have a lot of things to do during the next week or so. By giving people space they will come to enjoy your company more when they do see you, and the same is true vice versa.

10. Be Aware of what you say

Clingy people may not even realise they are doing this, to others on the receiving end though it is quite common to notice clinginess through what they do 'and' also by what they say. For example: Things like: "Where have you been, why didn't you tell me?", "Why didn't you call me straightaway when you finished work?". These may seem like absolutely innocent questions to you but to the person on the receiving end it can easily come across as accusations and give the impression of an interrogation-like conversation, highlighting the clinginess. 

Try to imagine if it was you who was always being questioned, would you be so receptive? Someone always wanting to know where you've been, what you're doing, who you've been with, how long you were there for, why you didn't let them know sooner, etc. 
I'm not saying you can't ask these questions, I'm saying be aware of how often you ask these questions and the tone of your voice when you do - these little things can make a lot of difference. 

Conclusion

Becoming less clingy, like a lot of ingrained habits, is a hard process to break. However, like any ingrained habit with persistence and self discipline you can overcome it. Whether these tips or others are used, I hope that any clingy people reading this who want to break free of it succeed.

How to Improve General Knowledge

Do you ever wonder how certain people can be so good at general knowledge? They seem to have such a vast knowledge on a majority of topics and appear to be able to answer any question you or anyone else throw their way.
Wonder how they obtain that sort of knowledge? Want to improve your general knowledge? Well here's some ways in which you can. 


1. Read 

One of the best ways you can get a broader knowledge upon topics is through  immersing yourself in reading material. Reading is brilliant for gaining knowledge about things you will never experience first-hand or don't have the time to go and see, it's a source of knowledge that is often described in detail. Books, magazines, websites, newspapers, and the like, can all be used to gain a wider general knowledge. The more you read the more you will come to know. Then when a certain topic comes up that you have read about, something will trigger your mind to be able to remember key bits of information.

2. Study and Summarise 

Pick out a certain topic that you would like to study and gather the 'key information' from it. You only want to remember the key points of a topic (unless if you are going to go into real detail) as general knowledge is made up of many topics and it would take too long to go into every topic in huge detail. So when reading up on a certain topic make sure you are also taking note of the main points.

3. Mind Maps

Mind maps when laid out in the right way are brilliant at summarising key information whilst at the same time making it easy to read and remember. Make the mind maps colourful, use curved lines instead of straight, include pictures, and keep points brief. The more your mind map stands out the easier it will be for you to remember it. For a better idea about how to use a mind map, type in 'Tony Buzan mind map' on Youtube. 

4. Media

Media is another thing that offers much information. Whether it be the news, newspapers, media websites, social networking sites, etc. However these are constantly being updated with new stories so make sure you also keep up to date also.

No Complaining Challenge Day 1

Recently I posted an article about the 'No Complaining Challenge' and said how I was going to have a go at it myself. I started on Thursday (11/04/13) and it is now a Monday (15/04/13), and yet I am writing about day 1? You may be wondering why I am doing so or maybe for some of you it's not a mystery? Well to put it bluntly: I complained! Argh! I was very disappointed in myself. 

At first it was fine, I was up early and ready to go. I was the only one in the house who was up and so talking was either to myself (thoughts out-loud I suppose) or minor comments to my dog, so complaining was easier to avoid. I spent the time getting ready for work. Once at work I noticed that not complaining became harder, mostly I think because of being around complacent colleagues, but still not complaining was manageable. After work I went to the gym and was fine throughout my workout, it was after whilst in the changing rooms that I made the complaint. I had bought some milk before heading to the gym as I had gotten a text from a family member requesting that I buy some while I was out. In the changing room the milk dropped out of my locker when I removed my bag and split...which lead to it leaking...which covered the changing room floor...which lead to my complaint. 

The next two days of the challenge went much better than the first and were absolutely complaint-free, it was the Sunday (yesterday 14/04/13) when the next complaint was made which would force me to start over. I was walking my dog at the time and was writing in my notebook (which you can read about the benefits of having here: Benefits of Writing a Notebook) when it started to rain causing my pages to get wet and causing my writing to cease, it was then a small complaint was made, and then another complaint a few seconds later about having made the first complaint.

Now today (15/04/13) is the restart of this no complaining challenge and has (so far) been complaint free. :) I think that I will be able to get further this time than previous as my recent failures have caused me to keep the no complaining rule in mind. I now have a much better understanding to how challenging this challenge is...roll on the next 20 days. :)

No Complaining Challenge

Complaining is such an easy and negative thing to do and so I am introducing this challenge, with the hope that you all try out for a learning experience as well as helping you to put off complacency. This challenge is called the 'No Complaining Challenge' and is exactly what you would expect from the title: not to complain. 

I think that whilst it's great getting people (myself included) to stop complaining, it is also a good idea for people to realise how easy it is to complain and how often they do it. I have noticed that as of recent I have been complaining more and is a habit that I am not fond of, therefore this challenge is one that I myself will try to carry out. 

I'm not just talking about those major complaints that you make but also those minor ones too. E.g. "the weathers horrible I hate it"! Also labelling someone with a negative comment such as: "(name not mentioned) is a rubbish singer, I don't want to listen to them" is not allowed. Now these may seem trivial to you but the aim of this challenge isn't to get you to become a mindless robot but to have a better grasp upon the amount of times a complaint is made by you and others - at the end of this challenge I'm hoping that people will think much more about what they're going to say instead of announcing a complaint.

A post that you may find helpful to read before taking on this challenge is: How to Stop Complaining. 

Rules

1. No Complaining

This golden rule to this challenge and is the most important one. Do not complain once, of course it wouldn't be a challenge if this was going to be easy so I expect people to break this one including myself (not on purpose)! If you aren't strict with yourself the only person you will be cheating is yourself and won't gain anything from the experience - so try your very best not to complain eve if it means stopping yourself mid-sentence to avoid doing so.  

Every time you make a single complaint, no matter how far you are into this challenge, you start right from the beginning. This may mean that you have to keep starting over but does an even better job at getting you to be thoughtful with your words. Even if you take a whole year to complete this challenge because of having to keep starting over and over, in the end the results will be good. 

The average amount of time it takes people who take on this challenge is 4 - 8 months!

2. 21 Days

You must keep this challenge up for 21 days, only doing it for 1-2 days won't pose the same challenge or have as big an impact upon the way you think and speak as 21 days will. Take note of the day you start (e.g. marking it on a calendar) and make note of when you finish.

Optional Rules

These are rules that you can either allow yourself to be bound to or not, they are fully optional and depends solely on the individual, you can include as many or as little as you want.

1. Duration

Instead of coping with this challenge for 21 day you can increase the amount of days to make it harder for you or to allow yourself more time to get into this good habit. A good step up I recommend would be to go to 35 days. This is a little over a month and it takes on average a habit 20 - 30 days to become cemented into ones life if practiced every day, so 35 (5 weeks) is perfect for making sure.

Then again hardly anyone completes this in the first 21 days as they normally will have to restart many times making it a lot longer so incorporating this rule is entirely your choice. 

2. Bracelet 

Will Brown is normally quoted as the originator of this technique and is a very simple and surprisingly effective one at that. The idea is to wear a bracelet and when you complain, take it off and place it around your other wrist and start again from day 0. 

3. Elastic Band

I've often heard of this technique when people are trying to break a habit, and that is to place an elastic band (or bands) around your wrist and each time you indulge yourself in this bad habit you in turn pull back and release the elastic band so that it snaps against your wrist. The idea of this isn't to cause yourself pain for the sake of it but that you come to associate this bad habit to the uncomfortable pinging of the elastic band(s).

4. Replace a negative with a positive

If you notice that you are about to complain or are on the verge of complaining then turn it into a positive and say it aloud. For example: "the weather is horrible" could become "we need the rain" etc.

Consequences of Hasty Words

Hasty words that are carelessly thrown out of your mouth in the heat of a moment can lead to many things, most of which are not good but are (expected you could say,) consequence(s) of your tongue.

1. Lose Friends

Hasty words that are quick to leave your mouth can easily ruin a good friendship. It doesn't take a lot to say regrettable things, and can take a lot longer to get over.
Remember that even though we know that words are just words, we also know the meanings of these words and the power they can have upon impact, otherwise why say them? 

I often hear people say things that they wish they had aired and when apologising say that they never meant any of the things they said...well your words are an indication to what you are thinking so if you don't mean what you say then don't say it - simple. :)
Words can be forgive but not always forgotten.

2. Damage Relationships

This is basically like with losing friends, you can also damage or ruin relationships with others because of a few careless words. Whether this be relationships with family members, partner, work colleagues, etc. 

3. Lose your job

Now this will depend upon your job but is normally true. If you work for a company and you say hasty things to a colleague or customer, if word gets back to your superiors (which in the workplace doesn't take very long) you could very well lose your job. You may not have even thought what you had said was offensive and maybe you was only joking around, but if the person/people on the receiving end don't take it in the same way as you intended it to have been taken, then you could get into some serious trouble.

My Writing

In my last post, it was if I'm honest, focusing on myself. So before I start this post I wanted to quickly apologise to anyone who found that last post a bit boring, however, I will also have to apologise in advance for this post as it's also another one about myself. 
Recently I have decided to start writing a story because I have an interest in writing. I am writing this story on the basis that I enjoy to write and thought that it would be neat if I could actually create myself another world almost with depth and imagination, and with an underlying ambition to hopefully get it published. Of course I realise that the part about getting it published is unlikely to happen, although it's not impossible - really for me that would be a bonus to actually managing to come up with and complete a story. 

Since then it has slowly developed but is still in it's most primitive draft-form...well I don't even know if it's that far yet, it's at the moment consisting of a lot of notes that is managing to convey a possible plot. In my last blog post I was confident that I had a plot that I was going to run with after changing it more than a few times, but I was wrong and in the last couple of days it has shifted towards another direction - one that I am more content with admittedly. 
So now I have added more notes to do with that and I am starting to get a better picture of the basics: a rough idea of the beginning; a rough idea of the middle; and not so much an exact idea of the finish haha. Oh well it's still in the very early stages. 

I've also done some character development to some of the more major characters, the ones that I know for definite are going to be in it. I haven't done any character development for the minor characters as there aren't any at the moment, I'll have to fill them in once I have made some more progress with fitting the story together. This post was really only an update about how my writing is coming along for those of you writers who are interested, for the rest of you I'm sorry. :)

How to Get Better at Drawing

Drawing. It seems like there's two categories in which people fall into when it comes to this: you are one of the people who can draw well, or you are one of the people who can't. Yes there are people who are more gifted at drawing than others, however, there are things you can do to improve your technique and get better at drawing.

1. Draw, Draw, and then Draw some more!

The thing everyone will tell you to do when you are wanting to become better at drawing is "make sure you draw all the time or as often as you can". There's no short cut or quick solution that is going to make you successfully start drawing at an advanced level over night, it is a skill that is developed though experience. So the more you draw - the better you will become. 

Now having said this I also want to add that whilst making sure that you draw often is an excellent thing to be doing, if you don't know what you are doing or how to develop your art skills then simply drawing often will only get you so far. I'm not saying that people can't become incredible artists from just drawing alone because they can, but for a lot of people wanting to get to the next level I would suggest the implementation of the following tips too.  

2. Art Classes

This isn't an option for everyone due to money and time, but for those of you who do have both, art classes should be something to consider. A good art teacher is much more valuable than any other form of learning art simply because they can give a hands-on approach also giving you tips and advice about how you can improve, with the added bonus of their experience.

3. Read books, watch videos

Whilst these won't be quite as effective as an art teacher would (well, depending on what area they specialise in), these are a good second best method for helping you gain more advice, pointers, and tips to how to further advance your art ability. It seems that Youtube is becoming more and more populated with tutorial videos including many ones in art.

4. Draw easier things to start 

Don't try to run before you walk, start with drawing more basic pictures/scenes and work your way up. If you want you can try complex drawings but if you are starting out or your drawing skills aren't really that great - it could possibly discourage you and end up putting you off. 

5. Research

This may seem like a surprise but research can also help your art. Having a better understanding about how something is put together or the anatomy of an animal or whatever is helpful for allowing your drawings to become more realistic.

6. Patience

Like most things that you want to become good at, it's not going to happen over night. Drawing is a skill that requires you to spend time developing. The world's leading artists will have spent many years honing their skills so don't be discouraged when you don't see results straight away. It might be an idea to date all of your drawings so you can look back upon them in the future to see your improvements.

How to Face Social Rejection

Ever felt like you don't fit in with the crowd or excluded from the group? It can be a hard thing to face when it seems like everyone is against you and no-one wants to be with or around you. Even if you aren't used to the experience, social rejection can still be something that you fear and are not wanting to experience. The main thing that people who fear social rejection have on their minds is the fear that they will look stupid and will only embarrass themselves when they get rejected.
Here are some ways in which a person can deal with social rejection.


1. Think Positively

This is much easier said than done but is a beneficial action towards yourself when you are facing rejection. Instead of seeing things in just black and white such as: 'They don't want to spend time with me as they don't like me', instead of thinking like that think in a more positive fashion, for example: 'They can't spend time with me as they most likely have other plans'. Another one is when you are rejected just think to yourself 'it is not because they dislike me or because they aren't fond of spending time with me, they were most likely having a bad day and didn't feel up to doing anything'.

I know this looks as though all you are doing is making excuses for the person who rejected you, but doing this can make a difference to your mindset and to how quickly you can deal with rejection. You don't need to force yourself into forming an almost 'alternative characteristic' when dealing with rejection by overdoing the positive reinforcement as this can cause you too dwell upon it for longer, just think positively and get over it. You will naturally be better at dealing with rejection and thinking in a more positive light with the more social interactions you have. It comes with time. 

2. Prepare for Rejection

This may at first seem counter-productive, to admit defeat before you've even started, but really you're not doing that at all. This is once again another trick of the mind that can help you deal with rejection as let's be honest it's not the most pleasant thing to have to cope with. So it's not so much admitting defeat before you've started as it is preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. 

Rejection is always a possibility and so some people like to acknowledge that by preparing for it ahead of time so when the time comes and they do face rejection, they are already in a mindset to deal with it. Of course everyone is different and so this tip may not work for you as it may only make you more anxious about the situation, in which case don't apply this, but for the the people who this does work for it is of benefit. 

3. What is Rejection

What is rejection? It is a form of exclusion where one or more individuals deny you their company. It can be defined in much more detail than that but that's the basics of it. Okay, so with that in mind, is it going to kill you...? No of course it isn't, rejection is a part of life and everyone will have to face it. Yes rejection is a horrible thing but it is not the end of the world - keep this in mind. 
I'm not trying to play down how hard rejection can be to take sometimes, but looking at it for what it really is, which is the answer of "no" basically, can help for some.

4. Keep Yourself Busy

Another way that you can deal with rejection is by keeping yourself busy. Making sure that you are doing things to keep you're mind from referring back to that scenario often helps people deal with rejection, this is as you are keeping your mind busy and so not allowing it to dwell upon those issues that you can sometimes worsen through spending too much time thinking over.

5. Did You Experience Rejection?

You may be thinking, "well if they said 'no' then of course I've experienced rejection". Well before you jump to conclusions make sure you take everything into account. Just because they have said "no" to you does not mean that they have rejected you, they may actually have a perfectly good explanation to why they are not able to do something with you. That doesn't count as a 'no' but as an unavailability to do something.
Look at it from the bigger picture, just after rejection an individual may be kicking their thoughts into overload and are over-analysing and overreacting to the situation with thoughts like: 'my social life will never be the same again!' going through their heads, but by stepping back you can often get a much better grasp upon the situation. A rejection is not the be-all and end-all of a social life. It may not have worked out if they had said yes anyway as maybe you don't actually have that much in common, or haven't hit it off like you have with other people. Don't then change how you treat this individual and start to become a hater or theirs - this is going too far, just keep the bigger picture in mind.

6. Give Yourself Credit

It's not all doom and gloom and although you may be facing rejection, at least give yourself some credit for actually having the courage to try. After all you don't know until you try and so by having the guts to do so deserves a pat on the back. You are at least trying to improve and you can only improve by trying.

7. Get Others Advice

If you are constantly being rejected no matter how many times you have tried then maybe you are displaying a certain trait that is off-putting? Don't ask on forums and places such as that, as helpful as forums are - the people on there will not have first-hand experience of you and so the advice will be limited. By asking people who know you in person and interact with you often is the much better approach to stick to.
Be warned though sometimes the truth hurts and receiving negative feedback is not always the easiest thing to take.

Don't get Involved in Other People's Argumenrts

There are many ways we can find ourselves getting into awkward and/or bad situations, the sort of situation you wish would just blow-over and go away. Some of these situations can't be avoided but yet we still have to face them. One of the circumstances where we can land ourselves in a bad situation is through arguing. 
Some people think that arguing causes results to be produced and for tensions to resolve, I on the other hand just think it makes things much worse and hasty and regrettable things are almost always said. 

Something that I think is even more of a bad decision than arguing...is getting involved in other people's arguments. Involving yourself in other people's arguments even if it seems the right thing to do at the time is not the wise thing to do, it would be a much better use of your energy trying to calm things so that all parties involved can act and think more reasonably. 
Here are some reasons why you shouldn't get involved in other people's disputes. 


1. You'll Get Dragged Into It

This is the most obvious reason to stay out of another person's feud - you'll get dragged in. You may think you're only trying to help by maybe chipping in but you'll find yourself involved. It's all too easy to get involved, especially if it is a friend or family member as naturally you want to stick up for them, but really will it make things better? More often than not if you're sticking-up for someone you are going to get dragged in to a point where you can't get out, and once things are said...there's no easy fix. 

Like I said before you would be wise in spending your efforts trying to diffuse the situation (not by arguing) but even this can come with risks. It can be just as easy to become a target by trying to diffuse the situation simply because you are there in their line of sight, I know the logic doesn't make sense but when people are angry normally logic and reason goes out the window.

2. You Could Make Things Worse

You may go into the argument thinking that you are going to make things better but you could just as easily make things worse than they already are. Point #1 was about being dragged into the argument, so if you are dragged in and you yourself argue then this will not make things better. Plus it seems the more people get involved in an argument the worse it will get as people are bouncing off of each others attitudes and actions, and there are more people to have to try and calm down.

3. You Could Fall Out With These People

An argument is not normally a situation where new friendships are going to form and last a lifetime, it's a situation where more often than not friends are lost and you fall out with people...and sometimes it's never the same again. You need to realise that when you enter an argument you have the ability to say and do some hurtful things, all of which can't be retracted, some of which people unfortunately don't forgive.  

4. Other People Could Lose Respect For You

Think of someone who you know who you wouldn't want to see you if you were arguing and losing your control, or charging headfirst into another person's argument. It's not the most appealing sight to see people argue and if other people you know who you wouldn't want to see you they could quite easily lose respect for you.

Conclusion

Hopefully these points have highlighted in your mind the hazards of getting involved in anothers argument. If you are going to get involved in someone-else's argument which I hope you don't, but if you do, please think carefully about your actions. 

How to Know if a Guy Likes You

After recently publishing a post called 'How to Know if a Girl Likes You', I thought it to be fitting of me to post an article for girls about how to know if a guy likes you. 
When you are wanting to know if somebody likes you it can sometimes be easy, and sometimes it can be very hard. There are some signs however that will make you more aware of a secret admirer. 

1. He Keeps Looking at You

An obvious way to tell if a guy fancies you or not can be by simply noticing if he often looks/stares at you. When you look at him whilst he's doing this he may hold your gaze for longer than what you would normally experience, or if he's shy he may quickly avert his gaze somewhere else to try and avoid detection.

He may also try to catch your eye so that you look back at him. Also if you do make eye contact and you notice that he glances at your mouth it can be another sign that he is interested.


2. Gets Close to You

Another sign that he may have a crush on you is if he gets in your personal space often, this shows that he is wants to get closer to you. For example: he stands closer than he does with other people, he leans in to you, when he walks past you he walks closely so that he sometimes brushes the side of you.

3. He Often Faces Towards You

If he is interested in you then he will be less inclined to turn his back towards you but will more often than not be facing towards you, or at least have himself in a position where he is able to see you. He may not even realise he's doing it in which case it could be a subconscious thing he is doing.

4. Makes Himself More Presentable 

When he is near you you may see that he adjusts his clothes often or brushes his hair, or does some other adjustment on several occasions may be a sign that he is trying to make himself look more appealing to you. If you notice that he looks cleaner or more presentable than usual when you see him it may be because he is trying to make a better impression on you.

5. Big Themselves Up

Listen to what they're saying as some guys feel the urge to 'prove' their worth by telling you about themselves. It can also be a sign of shyness or nervousness.

6. Physical Contact 

Another sign that he likes you is if he tries to or does make physical contact with you often. He may lean against you, brush himself against you casually (e.g. like when walking past you as mentioned in point #2), rests his hand on you, mock punches you gently or pokes and prods you, gives you hugs, etc. 

7. Tries to Make you Jealous

Some guys flirt with lots of girls but if you notice that he is intentionally flirting with someone whilst keeps glancing at you it's pretty obvious that it's you he really wants and is wanting to see how you react. It is an odd thing to do when thinking about it as it could put you off, however if he's doing it in plain sight of you, or is saying things in a loud fashion so that you can hear, and keeps glancing at you, you have nothing to fear as he's more interested in you than he is her. 

8. Protective and Helpful

You may start to see that he becomes more helpful towards you or may get a little protective over you when other guys are around or when someone makes a comment against you. He may move closer to you, put his arm around you, stand blocking your view to another guy so that he can't see you and you can't see him, some of the things to watch out for.

9. He Has the Same Interests as You

Now this can very easily be a coincidence that he has the same interests as you but it can be also just as easy for him to say he has the same interests as you. If you tell him your interests and he then says he's also interested in that but when asking him further doesn't actually know that much about the topic - it may be a sign that he is just saying it so that he becomes more appealing to talk to. 

He may research the topics of interest and then catch-up with you so he can talk to you about it. 
Also if you introduce him to something you are interested in which he had not heard of or hadn't really bothered with before, like for instance a band or film, then he may suddenly over night become really interested in it and makes sure he tells you about it.

10. Nervousness

If he likes you there is a likely possibility that he gets nervous around you. He may display this by sweating more than usual, going red when you look at him or talk to him, nervous laughter, eyes quickly dart away when you make eye-contact. Normally a guy gets nervous around a girl when he finds her attractive as he doesn't want to make a fool of himself in front of her. 

11. His Friends 

If his friends tease him about you subtly whilst around you then this could be a big indication that he likes you. You may also find that they ask you questions about him to see if you like him or not. 
Be aware that sometimes some friends will be doing it as a wind-up to see if you do like him when he actually doesn't like you, or may be trying to not make it work for you two as they have reasons why they don't want you two to get to know each other. It's a bit of a two-edged sword, on one side it can be one of the best signals that he does, and on the other side they may just be looking for laugh. 

12. Turns-Up where You are

You may see that he coincidentally turns-up in the places where you are. Maybe you mentioned to him that you was going shopping with some friends on Saturday....and on Saturday he also turns out to be shopping. 
It may just be coincidence so don't read too much into it, but if you do notice that he turns up in places you tell him you're going, it may be more than coincidence.

13. Punching and Teasing 

If he punches or prods you in a playful way, or he teases and makes fun of you playfully, it's because he is trying to get your attention. He may want you to flirt with him too.
If it is annoying or painful make sure you tell him though as the more you let it go on the more irritating it will become and you may end up starting to dislike him. You can say that you don't mind him doing it but not so hard or harsh. 

14. Compliments

He may compliment you regularly which could mean he likes you. If you change something about yourself (e.g. your hair) and he notices then this is a good sign as it means that he is observant of you. If he gives you a compliment about it then this could be an even clearer sign he is interested in you. 

Conclusion

Like I said at the end of my last post about 'how to know if a girl likes you' some guys display some of these traits in their normal personality so make sure you don't jump to conclusions and presume that a guy likes you when it could just be who he is. Put things into context first, and remember to be observant. 
Hope this has helped. :)

How to Know if a Girl Likes You

Ahhh the age-old questions of whether a girl likes you is still as relevant today as it ever has been. Don't know what all the pinches and punches are about?, what the teasing is about? What all those looks are about? Well maybe this post will shed some light for some of you guys but keep in mind that each girl is different and some girls are naturally flirty in a friendly way.

1. She plays with her hair or adjusts her clothes when around you or speaking to you

This is a sign that a girl likes you. If you notice that she keeps adjusting her clothes when she's around you or maybe plays, twirls, and fiddles with her hair, this is a sign that she may in fact fancy you. It may be because she wants you to notice her so she may decide to redo her hair in-front of you or may want to look more presentable towards you. 


2. She laughs at your rubbish/boring jokes

If she likes you she will want you to see that she likes being in your company and wants to get along with you so will often laugh at your unfunny and boring jokes. She wants you to like her too and often by laughing at your jokes will make you more comfortable and confident around her. Don't purposefully make bad jokes as this can sometimes backfire and actually dull the conversation. 

3. She smiles at you when you talk to her or say "hello"

This will show that she is happy to see you if she automatically smiles at you. When you talk to her she may also smile then, it's quite a hard emotion to not display when you are genuinely happy to see someone. Some people do naturally smile at people out of politeness too so don't jump to conclusions just yet. 

4. She says things like "awww" or "cute" in reference to you

If she says things such as "awwww" or "how cute" in response to an action you just displayed or made this can mean that she is flirting with you. 

5. Random hugs for just you

It seems acceptable for people to give other people hugs upon greeting or just as a random part of affection. If you notice that she reserves hugs for you and only you then this can be a good indication that she does like you and wants to get closer to you but is trying to do it in a way that is discrete and is trying to avoid suspicion. 

6. Hits, punches, pinches, and teases you

She isn't wanting to hurt you and isn't trying to be nasty to you but is actually after your attention. By making physical contact or by teasing you it's hard for you to ignore her giving her the attention she wants from you. Also it may be that she wants to make contact with you and so does that through playfully hitting you. It can be as well to see what your figure is like, to see how toned-up or toned-down you are, or to see how you respond to her actions. 

Normally playfully hitting people or poking and prodding them are done by more confident females, so don't assume that just because a girl doesn't make contact with you that she doesn't want to - she may just be more shy and reserved. On the flip side, don't go around thinking that every girl wants to make physical contact with you because it will just end up being embarrassing for you.

Having said this I have a friend who hits and punches guys playfully but she isn't interested in them in a crush sort of sense, so be aware on the girl.

7. Her friends tease you about her or giggle a lot when you two are near to each other

This is normally a big giveaway that she likes you if her friends are involved. Girls often confide in each other and so you could have quite easily have made it into a conversation. If they all giggle or smile and are looking at you then this is a good sign. It's an even better sign if they ask you questions about her or tease you about her. 
It's almost definite that she likes you if one of her friends or more than one of her friends tells you that she does in fact like you, unless they are all winding you up but this isn't normally the case. This is often the best way to tell. 

8. The way she looks at you

There are normally two different ways a girl who likes you will look at you. The first is where she will often look at you and/or hold your eye contact for a few seconds, longer than the average. 
The second is where she will look at you and when you look at her she will quickly look-away to try and avoid being seen looking at you. 
You may need to put things in perspective first, she may be looking at you to get your attention about something, or may be just pulling your leg, or maybe it's because shes a naturally inquisitive person and is someone who often observes people.

9. She bites or licks her lips

This is another possible giveaway that a girl might like you, more so if she is looking at you whilst doing it. Maybe her lip subtly quivers or trembles when you look at her or talk to her, this can be a sign that she likes you.

10. She states something waiting for you to come to assistance

This is another sign that she likes you, if she starts playing this. Maybe shes playing pool or snooker and is pretending to not know how to hold the cue properly so you go over and show her how, leaning over her and positioning her hands properly. Maybe she's carrying something or trying to lift something and exclaims "it's too heavy" meaning she wants you to lift it. Or maybe you and her are outside and she keeps saying how cold it is, wanting you to lend her your jacket/coat. 
If there is more than one guy around then she may not want someone else to give her the assistance she wants, because she wants it specifically from the guy that she likes.

11. She helps you

Watch out for the things she does for you maybe by offering help and assistance when needed. If she's always ready to help and often offers help then (unless she is like it with everyone) this is good news. Don't purposefully overdo asking her for assistance as you may become a bit of an annoyance and she may start to not want to help you.

12. She listens to you 

This is a good sign that she likes you if you notice that she always listens to you and values your opinions. It's a much better sign if she wants to know your opinion and views when in a group of other guys as she's singling you out and wants to know what you think.

Conclusion

You should stay aware that some girls will display many of these traits as part of their normal personality and it doesn't mean that they will like you, so remember to be observant to her personality and to what is more out-of-character. Also, don't get caught-up over everything she does and never try to over-Analise them, this can often make your situation go downhill if you're not careful. 
I hope that this has been of help to you and I wish you luck for the future. :)