How to Gain Trust: 4 Tips

Being trustworthy is a highly valued quality in a person, trust is one of the key foundations of any relationship that we have with people. If you're worried that people might not trust you then you can incorporate these tips to help gain trust between others.


1. Honesty

You've often heard "honesty is the best policy", reason being; because it is. The more you tell the truth to other people, the more they are going to trust what you say - seems like common sense. 

Don't go avoiding those white lies either, a white lie whilst you may think is harmless, is still a lie, the fact that we call them a white lie is just an excuse for us to lie when we want to. If you can tell 'white lies' with ease, what's to stop you from starting to tell lies more often?
You may be thinking, "well surely I shouldn't tell the truth if it is going to offend someone?" You don't have to offend someone by telling the truth, telling the truth doesn't mean that you have to be completely blunt and straight to the point  where it could be seen as bordering on rude. For example: Say a family member or partner asks you if what they are wearing makes them look fat. If what they are wearing does make them look slightly larger than they usually do, you don't have to say "yes" because you are telling the truth. You could say something like "You look fine (which shouldn't be a lie as a persons weight shouldn't be a problem to you), but I think that other thing you were wearing looked better on you". A person would much rather you state your honest opinion, and will value you it more if you were to give advice. If people know that you don't lie and are an honest individual then you will be considered more trustworthy.

2. Avoid Vagueness

When a situation arises where you could be vague, instead don't be and go into more detail. For example: If you are asked how was your day?, a very simple and vague answer would be to say fine. However, you could say why it was fine, what went well and what didn't. If a person sees that you are willing to share information then they're likely to do so with you.

3. Don't Gossip

Gossiping is a horrible thing to do and is something that we're all guilty of at some time or another. If a person entrusts you with some information, why then would you go and tell others and betray their trust? All that you are doing is wanting to be the first one to share some unknown information with people for a topic of conversation, it's idle talk about someone-elses privacy . The end result will be the same when that person finds out that you have been the one to instigate the gossiping about them - they will lose there trust in you, and could lead to a falling-out over the matter which is something best avoided.

I can remember a time earlier in my life where I had been the instigator of gossip involving someone, not out of maliciousness, but for something to talk about. Looking back I can see that it wasn't a nice thing to do and was not the way I should have behaved. I did end up falling out with that person over it regrettably for a few weeks. The gossip died down after only a day or two though, so after I was left with an awkwardness around the people involved. Since then, luckily and thankfully, I have been able to make up with them and they are my friends to this day. It has been one of those experiences that you learn from, you don't have to make that mistake though, learn from others mistakes - like mine.

4. Don't Break Promises

This ties directly in with not lying. Keeping your promises shows that you are a dependable person, and for someone to trust you will require them to think you are a dependable person. It doesn't have to be officially made known that it is a promise for you to have to keep it. So often you'll hear people say "yeah I did say I would do that but I never promised it" as an excuse for not doing something that they said they would do.
If you say you are going to do something then you should follow through with actions, and if people see that you do what you say you are going to do then they will mark you out as a dependable person who they can trust.

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

George MacDonald

Consequences of Hasty Words

Hasty words that are carelessly thrown out of your mouth in the heat of a moment can lead to many things, most of which are not good but are (expected you could say,) consequence(s) of your tongue.

1. Lose Friends

Hasty words that are quick to leave your mouth can easily ruin a good friendship. It doesn't take a lot to say regrettable things, and can take a lot longer to get over.
Remember that even though we know that words are just words, we also know the meanings of these words and the power they can have upon impact, otherwise why say them? 

I often hear people say things that they wish they had aired and when apologising say that they never meant any of the things they said...well your words are an indication to what you are thinking so if you don't mean what you say then don't say it - simple. :)
Words can be forgive but not always forgotten.

2. Damage Relationships

This is basically like with losing friends, you can also damage or ruin relationships with others because of a few careless words. Whether this be relationships with family members, partner, work colleagues, etc. 

3. Lose your job

Now this will depend upon your job but is normally true. If you work for a company and you say hasty things to a colleague or customer, if word gets back to your superiors (which in the workplace doesn't take very long) you could very well lose your job. You may not have even thought what you had said was offensive and maybe you was only joking around, but if the person/people on the receiving end don't take it in the same way as you intended it to have been taken, then you could get into some serious trouble.

How to Face Social Rejection

Ever felt like you don't fit in with the crowd or excluded from the group? It can be a hard thing to face when it seems like everyone is against you and no-one wants to be with or around you. Even if you aren't used to the experience, social rejection can still be something that you fear and are not wanting to experience. The main thing that people who fear social rejection have on their minds is the fear that they will look stupid and will only embarrass themselves when they get rejected.
Here are some ways in which a person can deal with social rejection.


1. Think Positively

This is much easier said than done but is a beneficial action towards yourself when you are facing rejection. Instead of seeing things in just black and white such as: 'They don't want to spend time with me as they don't like me', instead of thinking like that think in a more positive fashion, for example: 'They can't spend time with me as they most likely have other plans'. Another one is when you are rejected just think to yourself 'it is not because they dislike me or because they aren't fond of spending time with me, they were most likely having a bad day and didn't feel up to doing anything'.

I know this looks as though all you are doing is making excuses for the person who rejected you, but doing this can make a difference to your mindset and to how quickly you can deal with rejection. You don't need to force yourself into forming an almost 'alternative characteristic' when dealing with rejection by overdoing the positive reinforcement as this can cause you too dwell upon it for longer, just think positively and get over it. You will naturally be better at dealing with rejection and thinking in a more positive light with the more social interactions you have. It comes with time. 

2. Prepare for Rejection

This may at first seem counter-productive, to admit defeat before you've even started, but really you're not doing that at all. This is once again another trick of the mind that can help you deal with rejection as let's be honest it's not the most pleasant thing to have to cope with. So it's not so much admitting defeat before you've started as it is preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. 

Rejection is always a possibility and so some people like to acknowledge that by preparing for it ahead of time so when the time comes and they do face rejection, they are already in a mindset to deal with it. Of course everyone is different and so this tip may not work for you as it may only make you more anxious about the situation, in which case don't apply this, but for the the people who this does work for it is of benefit. 

3. What is Rejection

What is rejection? It is a form of exclusion where one or more individuals deny you their company. It can be defined in much more detail than that but that's the basics of it. Okay, so with that in mind, is it going to kill you...? No of course it isn't, rejection is a part of life and everyone will have to face it. Yes rejection is a horrible thing but it is not the end of the world - keep this in mind. 
I'm not trying to play down how hard rejection can be to take sometimes, but looking at it for what it really is, which is the answer of "no" basically, can help for some.

4. Keep Yourself Busy

Another way that you can deal with rejection is by keeping yourself busy. Making sure that you are doing things to keep you're mind from referring back to that scenario often helps people deal with rejection, this is as you are keeping your mind busy and so not allowing it to dwell upon those issues that you can sometimes worsen through spending too much time thinking over.

5. Did You Experience Rejection?

You may be thinking, "well if they said 'no' then of course I've experienced rejection". Well before you jump to conclusions make sure you take everything into account. Just because they have said "no" to you does not mean that they have rejected you, they may actually have a perfectly good explanation to why they are not able to do something with you. That doesn't count as a 'no' but as an unavailability to do something.
Look at it from the bigger picture, just after rejection an individual may be kicking their thoughts into overload and are over-analysing and overreacting to the situation with thoughts like: 'my social life will never be the same again!' going through their heads, but by stepping back you can often get a much better grasp upon the situation. A rejection is not the be-all and end-all of a social life. It may not have worked out if they had said yes anyway as maybe you don't actually have that much in common, or haven't hit it off like you have with other people. Don't then change how you treat this individual and start to become a hater or theirs - this is going too far, just keep the bigger picture in mind.

6. Give Yourself Credit

It's not all doom and gloom and although you may be facing rejection, at least give yourself some credit for actually having the courage to try. After all you don't know until you try and so by having the guts to do so deserves a pat on the back. You are at least trying to improve and you can only improve by trying.

7. Get Others Advice

If you are constantly being rejected no matter how many times you have tried then maybe you are displaying a certain trait that is off-putting? Don't ask on forums and places such as that, as helpful as forums are - the people on there will not have first-hand experience of you and so the advice will be limited. By asking people who know you in person and interact with you often is the much better approach to stick to.
Be warned though sometimes the truth hurts and receiving negative feedback is not always the easiest thing to take.

Don't get Involved in Other People's Argumenrts

There are many ways we can find ourselves getting into awkward and/or bad situations, the sort of situation you wish would just blow-over and go away. Some of these situations can't be avoided but yet we still have to face them. One of the circumstances where we can land ourselves in a bad situation is through arguing. 
Some people think that arguing causes results to be produced and for tensions to resolve, I on the other hand just think it makes things much worse and hasty and regrettable things are almost always said. 

Something that I think is even more of a bad decision than arguing...is getting involved in other people's arguments. Involving yourself in other people's arguments even if it seems the right thing to do at the time is not the wise thing to do, it would be a much better use of your energy trying to calm things so that all parties involved can act and think more reasonably. 
Here are some reasons why you shouldn't get involved in other people's disputes. 


1. You'll Get Dragged Into It

This is the most obvious reason to stay out of another person's feud - you'll get dragged in. You may think you're only trying to help by maybe chipping in but you'll find yourself involved. It's all too easy to get involved, especially if it is a friend or family member as naturally you want to stick up for them, but really will it make things better? More often than not if you're sticking-up for someone you are going to get dragged in to a point where you can't get out, and once things are said...there's no easy fix. 

Like I said before you would be wise in spending your efforts trying to diffuse the situation (not by arguing) but even this can come with risks. It can be just as easy to become a target by trying to diffuse the situation simply because you are there in their line of sight, I know the logic doesn't make sense but when people are angry normally logic and reason goes out the window.

2. You Could Make Things Worse

You may go into the argument thinking that you are going to make things better but you could just as easily make things worse than they already are. Point #1 was about being dragged into the argument, so if you are dragged in and you yourself argue then this will not make things better. Plus it seems the more people get involved in an argument the worse it will get as people are bouncing off of each others attitudes and actions, and there are more people to have to try and calm down.

3. You Could Fall Out With These People

An argument is not normally a situation where new friendships are going to form and last a lifetime, it's a situation where more often than not friends are lost and you fall out with people...and sometimes it's never the same again. You need to realise that when you enter an argument you have the ability to say and do some hurtful things, all of which can't be retracted, some of which people unfortunately don't forgive.  

4. Other People Could Lose Respect For You

Think of someone who you know who you wouldn't want to see you if you were arguing and losing your control, or charging headfirst into another person's argument. It's not the most appealing sight to see people argue and if other people you know who you wouldn't want to see you they could quite easily lose respect for you.

Conclusion

Hopefully these points have highlighted in your mind the hazards of getting involved in anothers argument. If you are going to get involved in someone-else's argument which I hope you don't, but if you do, please think carefully about your actions. 

How to Know if a Guy Likes You

After recently publishing a post called 'How to Know if a Girl Likes You', I thought it to be fitting of me to post an article for girls about how to know if a guy likes you. 
When you are wanting to know if somebody likes you it can sometimes be easy, and sometimes it can be very hard. There are some signs however that will make you more aware of a secret admirer. 

1. He Keeps Looking at You

An obvious way to tell if a guy fancies you or not can be by simply noticing if he often looks/stares at you. When you look at him whilst he's doing this he may hold your gaze for longer than what you would normally experience, or if he's shy he may quickly avert his gaze somewhere else to try and avoid detection.

He may also try to catch your eye so that you look back at him. Also if you do make eye contact and you notice that he glances at your mouth it can be another sign that he is interested.


2. Gets Close to You

Another sign that he may have a crush on you is if he gets in your personal space often, this shows that he is wants to get closer to you. For example: he stands closer than he does with other people, he leans in to you, when he walks past you he walks closely so that he sometimes brushes the side of you.

3. He Often Faces Towards You

If he is interested in you then he will be less inclined to turn his back towards you but will more often than not be facing towards you, or at least have himself in a position where he is able to see you. He may not even realise he's doing it in which case it could be a subconscious thing he is doing.

4. Makes Himself More Presentable 

When he is near you you may see that he adjusts his clothes often or brushes his hair, or does some other adjustment on several occasions may be a sign that he is trying to make himself look more appealing to you. If you notice that he looks cleaner or more presentable than usual when you see him it may be because he is trying to make a better impression on you.

5. Big Themselves Up

Listen to what they're saying as some guys feel the urge to 'prove' their worth by telling you about themselves. It can also be a sign of shyness or nervousness.

6. Physical Contact 

Another sign that he likes you is if he tries to or does make physical contact with you often. He may lean against you, brush himself against you casually (e.g. like when walking past you as mentioned in point #2), rests his hand on you, mock punches you gently or pokes and prods you, gives you hugs, etc. 

7. Tries to Make you Jealous

Some guys flirt with lots of girls but if you notice that he is intentionally flirting with someone whilst keeps glancing at you it's pretty obvious that it's you he really wants and is wanting to see how you react. It is an odd thing to do when thinking about it as it could put you off, however if he's doing it in plain sight of you, or is saying things in a loud fashion so that you can hear, and keeps glancing at you, you have nothing to fear as he's more interested in you than he is her. 

8. Protective and Helpful

You may start to see that he becomes more helpful towards you or may get a little protective over you when other guys are around or when someone makes a comment against you. He may move closer to you, put his arm around you, stand blocking your view to another guy so that he can't see you and you can't see him, some of the things to watch out for.

9. He Has the Same Interests as You

Now this can very easily be a coincidence that he has the same interests as you but it can be also just as easy for him to say he has the same interests as you. If you tell him your interests and he then says he's also interested in that but when asking him further doesn't actually know that much about the topic - it may be a sign that he is just saying it so that he becomes more appealing to talk to. 

He may research the topics of interest and then catch-up with you so he can talk to you about it. 
Also if you introduce him to something you are interested in which he had not heard of or hadn't really bothered with before, like for instance a band or film, then he may suddenly over night become really interested in it and makes sure he tells you about it.

10. Nervousness

If he likes you there is a likely possibility that he gets nervous around you. He may display this by sweating more than usual, going red when you look at him or talk to him, nervous laughter, eyes quickly dart away when you make eye-contact. Normally a guy gets nervous around a girl when he finds her attractive as he doesn't want to make a fool of himself in front of her. 

11. His Friends 

If his friends tease him about you subtly whilst around you then this could be a big indication that he likes you. You may also find that they ask you questions about him to see if you like him or not. 
Be aware that sometimes some friends will be doing it as a wind-up to see if you do like him when he actually doesn't like you, or may be trying to not make it work for you two as they have reasons why they don't want you two to get to know each other. It's a bit of a two-edged sword, on one side it can be one of the best signals that he does, and on the other side they may just be looking for laugh. 

12. Turns-Up where You are

You may see that he coincidentally turns-up in the places where you are. Maybe you mentioned to him that you was going shopping with some friends on Saturday....and on Saturday he also turns out to be shopping. 
It may just be coincidence so don't read too much into it, but if you do notice that he turns up in places you tell him you're going, it may be more than coincidence.

13. Punching and Teasing 

If he punches or prods you in a playful way, or he teases and makes fun of you playfully, it's because he is trying to get your attention. He may want you to flirt with him too.
If it is annoying or painful make sure you tell him though as the more you let it go on the more irritating it will become and you may end up starting to dislike him. You can say that you don't mind him doing it but not so hard or harsh. 

14. Compliments

He may compliment you regularly which could mean he likes you. If you change something about yourself (e.g. your hair) and he notices then this is a good sign as it means that he is observant of you. If he gives you a compliment about it then this could be an even clearer sign he is interested in you. 

Conclusion

Like I said at the end of my last post about 'how to know if a girl likes you' some guys display some of these traits in their normal personality so make sure you don't jump to conclusions and presume that a guy likes you when it could just be who he is. Put things into context first, and remember to be observant. 
Hope this has helped. :)

How to Know if a Girl Likes You

Ahhh the age-old questions of whether a girl likes you is still as relevant today as it ever has been. Don't know what all the pinches and punches are about?, what the teasing is about? What all those looks are about? Well maybe this post will shed some light for some of you guys but keep in mind that each girl is different and some girls are naturally flirty in a friendly way.

1. She plays with her hair or adjusts her clothes when around you or speaking to you

This is a sign that a girl likes you. If you notice that she keeps adjusting her clothes when she's around you or maybe plays, twirls, and fiddles with her hair, this is a sign that she may in fact fancy you. It may be because she wants you to notice her so she may decide to redo her hair in-front of you or may want to look more presentable towards you. 


2. She laughs at your rubbish/boring jokes

If she likes you she will want you to see that she likes being in your company and wants to get along with you so will often laugh at your unfunny and boring jokes. She wants you to like her too and often by laughing at your jokes will make you more comfortable and confident around her. Don't purposefully make bad jokes as this can sometimes backfire and actually dull the conversation. 

3. She smiles at you when you talk to her or say "hello"

This will show that she is happy to see you if she automatically smiles at you. When you talk to her she may also smile then, it's quite a hard emotion to not display when you are genuinely happy to see someone. Some people do naturally smile at people out of politeness too so don't jump to conclusions just yet. 

4. She says things like "awww" or "cute" in reference to you

If she says things such as "awwww" or "how cute" in response to an action you just displayed or made this can mean that she is flirting with you. 

5. Random hugs for just you

It seems acceptable for people to give other people hugs upon greeting or just as a random part of affection. If you notice that she reserves hugs for you and only you then this can be a good indication that she does like you and wants to get closer to you but is trying to do it in a way that is discrete and is trying to avoid suspicion. 

6. Hits, punches, pinches, and teases you

She isn't wanting to hurt you and isn't trying to be nasty to you but is actually after your attention. By making physical contact or by teasing you it's hard for you to ignore her giving her the attention she wants from you. Also it may be that she wants to make contact with you and so does that through playfully hitting you. It can be as well to see what your figure is like, to see how toned-up or toned-down you are, or to see how you respond to her actions. 

Normally playfully hitting people or poking and prodding them are done by more confident females, so don't assume that just because a girl doesn't make contact with you that she doesn't want to - she may just be more shy and reserved. On the flip side, don't go around thinking that every girl wants to make physical contact with you because it will just end up being embarrassing for you.

Having said this I have a friend who hits and punches guys playfully but she isn't interested in them in a crush sort of sense, so be aware on the girl.

7. Her friends tease you about her or giggle a lot when you two are near to each other

This is normally a big giveaway that she likes you if her friends are involved. Girls often confide in each other and so you could have quite easily have made it into a conversation. If they all giggle or smile and are looking at you then this is a good sign. It's an even better sign if they ask you questions about her or tease you about her. 
It's almost definite that she likes you if one of her friends or more than one of her friends tells you that she does in fact like you, unless they are all winding you up but this isn't normally the case. This is often the best way to tell. 

8. The way she looks at you

There are normally two different ways a girl who likes you will look at you. The first is where she will often look at you and/or hold your eye contact for a few seconds, longer than the average. 
The second is where she will look at you and when you look at her she will quickly look-away to try and avoid being seen looking at you. 
You may need to put things in perspective first, she may be looking at you to get your attention about something, or may be just pulling your leg, or maybe it's because shes a naturally inquisitive person and is someone who often observes people.

9. She bites or licks her lips

This is another possible giveaway that a girl might like you, more so if she is looking at you whilst doing it. Maybe her lip subtly quivers or trembles when you look at her or talk to her, this can be a sign that she likes you.

10. She states something waiting for you to come to assistance

This is another sign that she likes you, if she starts playing this. Maybe shes playing pool or snooker and is pretending to not know how to hold the cue properly so you go over and show her how, leaning over her and positioning her hands properly. Maybe she's carrying something or trying to lift something and exclaims "it's too heavy" meaning she wants you to lift it. Or maybe you and her are outside and she keeps saying how cold it is, wanting you to lend her your jacket/coat. 
If there is more than one guy around then she may not want someone else to give her the assistance she wants, because she wants it specifically from the guy that she likes.

11. She helps you

Watch out for the things she does for you maybe by offering help and assistance when needed. If she's always ready to help and often offers help then (unless she is like it with everyone) this is good news. Don't purposefully overdo asking her for assistance as you may become a bit of an annoyance and she may start to not want to help you.

12. She listens to you 

This is a good sign that she likes you if you notice that she always listens to you and values your opinions. It's a much better sign if she wants to know your opinion and views when in a group of other guys as she's singling you out and wants to know what you think.

Conclusion

You should stay aware that some girls will display many of these traits as part of their normal personality and it doesn't mean that they will like you, so remember to be observant to her personality and to what is more out-of-character. Also, don't get caught-up over everything she does and never try to over-Analise them, this can often make your situation go downhill if you're not careful. 
I hope that this has been of help to you and I wish you luck for the future. :)

How to Talk to a Shy Person

Talking to shy people need you to take a few things into consideration and certain things that you should and shouldn't do. A shy person's confidence can easily be knocked and so care on your behalf will be needed when you are wanting to communicate with them more.

If you want to, it might be a good idea for you to read my previous post: 11 Common Worries Shy People Have so you can have more of an insight to how a shy persons mind works. 
Here are some steps that can help you when talking and interacting with a shy person.

1. Be Smiley and Friendly

A smiley and friendly person is a lot more inviting for a person to talk to than a grumpy and miserable one. Shy people aren't normally the most forthcoming people in the world and so for them to know that you are a smiley and friendly person to talk to will make it a lot easier for them, and more likely, for them to come and talk to you. 

2. Don't Bombard with Questions

Don't hit them with question after question. Whilst questions are good to ask as they convey your interest in the other person and the conversation, too many questions and it will quickly appear to them that it is more like an interrogation than a conversation, which could make them become nervous - even if that were not your intention.
Shy people are good listeners, reason being is that they enjoy to listen to you rather than speak because they are normally afraid to, so watch how many questions you fire their way.

3. Don't act Nervous

Try not to be nervous around them as this can create awkward silences and conversations between the both of you. If you are nervous around them, it's not likely that they're going to take the reigns and steer the conversation to where you would like it to be, so try to stay relaxed and confident around them. This isn't an excuse to be arrogant or overly confident around them either as most shy people won't find that an attractive personality trait. 

4. Don't get too Personal

It's good to ask questions and it is something that is fine to do but try not to get personal. Many shy people aren't confident (hence their shyness) and aren't comfortable with discussing things that are personal, so try and keep the conversation related to the general topic but don't go into too personal an approach.  
They may also feel that their personal life isn't up to the standard to where you would respect or accept it and may feel embarrassed of it. 

5. Be Patient

It may take a lot longer than a single conversation for them to become comfortable with opening up to you. Prompting and encouraging them to continue, whilst you may see it as being kind and friendly, will most likely make them more nervous and try to withdraw from the conversation, feeling as if they are being put on the spot. 
They may need time to respond to your comments and questions, and may need that time because they respond in a certain way.

6. Don't be Patronising

Just because they are shy and can't articulate theirself as well as maybe you can, it doesn't mean you should become patronising towards them for them to understand. They will not appreciate this.  

7. Don't talk to them as if they are Stupid

Very similar to point #6, don't talk to shy people as if they are stupid just because they don't say a lot. Shyness does not amount to unintelligence...in fact some of the brightest and sharpest individuals on the planet are shy people.

8. Don't Tease them

Shy people don't like to be reminded of their shyness, especially when it comes in the form of people teasing them and joking about it. It may seem like a harmless bit of banter to you but to many shy people this is quite a degrading experience and is something they will very much dislike. It will often make them more shy and make it so they do not want to talk to you anymore. 

9. Listen to them

Listen to what they have to say and don't interrupt them or talk over them. Give responses and feedback that is genuine and engage yourself so they know that you are interested in what they have to say. Don't discredit or shoot-down their ideas as this will knock their confidence. It will have taken courage on their behalf to open up to you and talk about their ideas, if you just put-down their comments and/or not really pay attention to them it will have a negative effect upon their self-esteem - which may be very little as it is. 

10. Don't Point out their Shyness

This is different to teasing them about their shyness but is something that can still have the same effect. Simply pointing out that they are a shy individual can make them question their behaviour around you to why you would perceive them this way, and is another thing that could push them to become even more shy.  

11. Talk to them about something you have in Common

If you manage to find that you have something in common with this person, for instance like a hobby or interest, then try to get them to talk about this. Shy people will feel more comfortable talking to you about an interest they have if they and even more so if they know that you also share the same interest. Sometimes shy people, once got going, can really give a good conversation and can chatter on for ages. 

12. Talk to them about Something more Stimulating 

Don't just drone on about small-talk such as the weather. Things such as this will only become tiresome quickly and doesn't really cause the both of you to engage fully. Try talking to them about something more stimulating that properly gets the both of you engaged in conversation and thought.

13. React Positively to your Interaction 

When you are leaving one-anothers company, smile and let them know that it was nice talking with them. If you feel like it you can tell them that they are welcome to talk to you any time and can come over when they see you. You may even feel up to asking them to do something. Also be aware that if you are with friends and they see you they may not come over to you as they would rather a one-to-one conversation and may feel intimidated by your friends. If you do see them with your friends they may not want you to call them over, so a simple wave of acknowledgement would suffice. 

How to Get a Social Life

A social life is something that most people desire for to be content with - people who they can frequently do things with and rely on for company and support. Ideally this is what we want, however it can be hard to make new friends sometimes and sometimes just as hard to keep in contact.

There are some reasons to how and why an individual can get themselves into a predicament where they don't have a social life:

• They once preferred to be alone but now are wanting a social life
• They're embarrassed about not having much of a social life and so retreat even more
• Work takes up their life
• Friends have moved away and now they're left alone
• They've moved to a new place and don't know anyone
• A large majority of their friends in their 'social circle' has recently vanished, for example all went to college or universities. 
• They've started to become distant from their friends and don't get along as well any more. 
• They don't know how to make friends and so don't 
• They're socially awkward around others so are not able to properly communicate with others making socialising hard.
• They've made a lifestyle-change and so are trying to find a different social-climate. For example they're trying to not go to the pub any more so are trying to find people to hang out with who don't really go to the pub. 
• You and your usual friends are always busy at whenever the other one is usually free. For example unsociable working hours for one person and usual day working hours for the others. 

Alright, now to get a social life one must have friends which can be quite difficult to obtain (I mean proper friends) but once you've got them it's not so hard. So here are some steps to help you in your quest to make some friends and get a social life.

1. Pick out people who you think could become good-friends

Okay, so the first step that you will need to take in building a social-life is that of choosing some people to become friends with. Don't just choose any random person who you come across or interact with, but people you may see quite regularly or people you may talk to and get along with. It's easier to turn existing acquaintances into friends. 
For example: Lets say that you go to a gym once to three times a week. And in this gym you go to there is a person, or people, who you get along with and have a conversation with. Now this person, or these people, are more familiar to you than any random person you may suddenly meet as you have met and recognise one another, and so therefore would be a better candidate to become friends with.

Maybe though you do want to meet new people who you haven't met before and are wanting to make a new group of friends because you want to change the style of people you hand around with or because you just want to meet new friends. Here are some places where you will have the chance to meet new people and also where you will be able to improve relationships upon existing contacts:

• Work (a popular one)
• School/College (another popular one)
• Activity clubs 
• Pub/Club 
• Gym
• Events (maybe a local event like a village gardening fair or maybe a huge event like a music festival)
• Somewhere where you meet the same person on more than one occasion (for example a dog walk)

There are many other places where you can make friends and lasting relationships, but remember that this will require effort on your behalf.
Here are some possibilities you may find familiar and may be able to relate to, to finding potential friends and be on your way to building a social life.

• People who are in your class/workplace who you have spoken to one on or more occasion 
• People who you run into often and are friendly with (for example: if you have a dog and take it for a walk and run into the same person most days/weeks)
• Friends of friends
• Friends of family members
• A friend who you used to get along with or see but have now drifted
• Someone who has seemed like they would want to become friends with you but it never developed. 

 These are just some examples of possible people who could become friends. Try to keep yourself busy and get out of the house often - join clubs, get a job (if you don't, and is easier said than done I realise), try to live a full life and this will naturally make you a more interesting person who will have a better chance of finding friends. 
Here's a full article that you may find useful: How to Become Outgoing.

2. Get to know them better

The next and most logical step after picking likely friends would be to get to know them better. In step #1 I mentioned that you may already be talking to them a bit, so now you need to try and take it a step further and get to a stage where both of you are comfortable talking to one another. A good a place as any to start is in the process of asking them questions about themselves, from this you may be able to stem a conversation together.

Most people like it when you take an interest in them and their life and are more likely to give a better response. They will most likely ask questions about your life too. Don't give them one-word answer responses (unless that is all that is needed) but try to expand upon your answer and give them an insight into your life. Don't overwhelm them with too much information though and don't bring up something that could lower the mood, like for example sad news you've recently received, only because the other person might not know how to respond and it could bring the conversation to an end.

Also another thing is to not ask them too many questions one-after-another because whilst people are fine with answering your interest in them, not many people appreciate being bombarded with question after question.
It's also good to keep the conversation light and upbeat at this part of the developing friendship, make the occasional joke here and there where you can (try to make sure it's funny) - some people are more naturally gifted at doing this than others are. Jokes aren't a mandatory thing to do but everyone likes to be made to laugh.

Don't feel like you have to win them over in just one meeting, although if you manage to all the better, but can be done over several meetings with this person, say for example at the gym.  

3. Make Plans

Once you are comfortable with talking with one another and you both appear to get along in each others company, the next step is to make plans with them. This is one of the biggest stages of the friendship because without this step the relationship won't last. Your relationship with this person won't advance any further and they will always just remain (and you to them) the guy who I talk to at the gym, or the girl from school who I speak to during science, or the friends at work I only see when I'm at work.

Different people cope with this step in different ways, and some just hit a brick-wall and stop altogether. The more confident individuals will feel more comfortable asking another person if they want to do something than that of a shy reserved person. If you are a shy or reserved person, don't worry about rejection, because whilst it may sting at first, is surprisingly easy to get used to and the more you ask people the less you will be bothered by it.

When asking the person in question, don't come across as too keen or desperate as this will give the impression that you don't do much (even if you actually don't do much) and can sometimes be slightly unsettling for the other person - just bring it up casually into a conversation.
For example lets say you've both been talking about a film that you both want to watch and neither of you have plans to see it, it would be an opportune time to ask if they would want to go and see it with you.
Make a habit of picking up contact details as well as this will enable you to contact them outside of where you normally see them and will make it easier for future planning.

4. Always say yes to invitations when possible

Inviting people and organising events can be a troublesome task, or seem like it anyway, but when you are invited it just becomes so much easier for you. This is a golden opportunity to do something with them and you need not fear about being turned-down as they were the one(s) that wanted to spend time with you - so all you need say is yes.

Always when possible (even if you can't be bothered) say yes to people's invitations. The more you say yes to people and accept their offer to do something will mean that they will be inclined to ask you to do something again at a later date.
Although I mentioned briefly in step #3 about not worrying about rejection, it doesn't mean that people won't feel it, and in the same way you may feel rejected if someone turns down your invitation - the same is true of the individual asking you, and this may put them off of asking you to do something.

If you can't accept their invitation to do something for whatever reason, don't just tell them no and that you can't do it, do that but also come up with another date when you are free and offer to do something with them then. This will mean that although it is a no, it isn't really as you are suggesting that you still want to do something with them. This then leaves the decision back in their hands and as they were originally asking you to do something they're likely to say yes to your offer...unless they're busy. :) In which case if they are busy, then as you know that this person wants to do something with you, ask them to do something at another time.

5. Keep the relationship going

Once you've managed to do something with this person, or these people, and you both got along (or the group of you got along) and it seemed to have gone well, then now you to ask them to do something again to keep the friendship continuing.
Once you've done something once you could consider them a friend and that might be what you want: a friend to occasionally meet up with but not someone to do something with regularly. If you do however want a more consistent regular friend to hang around with then you will need to pluck up the courage to ask them to do something again. It's through doing more things together that your relationship as friends will grow. Some people this won't work with, others will be easier to do things with, but the more you do together - the closer you should become as friends.

After doing something it's probably not a good idea (well, depends on the person) to do something the day straight after unless if they suggest it, maybe the next week or so. If you do manage to maintain the friendship for a bit, then they may start to ask you to do things instead of you asking them, and when this happens then you know that it's working. Now when I said a couple of sentences ago about asking them to do something every week or so but not everyday, I'm referring to the initial stages of the friendship, obviously if you manage to become good friends then you may to hang-out most days of the week. The reason I suggest not overdoing it in the early stages is because they may have other things to do or because they've just started to do things with you they don't want to suddenly do most things with you - you don't want to become overbearing.  

Remember you can ask other people to do things with if you are feeling up to it and still maintain contact with the other person/people, this will mean that you will have more of a varied social life. 
Also you may be able to meet you new-friends friends and then over time become part of the group.

6. Don't be Picky

Your first and foremost goal here is to gain a social life, so you can't afford to be picky at this point. You may be building your growing social life with people who don't really suit your character but you will still be gaining a social life. Having a social life will be able to get you more accustomed with talking and dealing with people, which in itself is a good skill to have - especially if you are planning on meeting new friends. 
Having a social life will make your life more interesting and that will affect the way others view you - as a more interesting character. You will also be more likely to meet new people if you already have a social life and are comfortable going to new places.

7. Don't worry over rejection

I mentioned this at an earlier point in this article but I thought I'd bring it to your attention again just because of the fact that a lot of people get hung up over this.Rejection, whilst in itself can sting like a snake-bite, is not the be all and end all of this world. Everyone face it at some point of their life and everyone deals with it in different ways, but if you stop and think about it, isn't really a big thing to worry over. 

If you do experience rejection just keep in mind that billions of people around the globe will have faced that feeling or will face it at some time, and if everyone who had ever faced rejection never moved on from it - then we would not have got very far as a people. 
Rejection doesn't mean that a person doesn't like you, they probably just have their own reasons for saying no. E.g. they already have plans, they aren't really feeling up to doing something with you at the moment, other responsibilities, etc. Don't take offence. The best thing to do is to still remain friendly to them and put it in the past. 
Don't whatever you do now start to ignore them or dislike them for it as this could well cause tensions to fly between you  - it would be better for you to still be friendly to one another and talk rather than this minor mishap cause you to no longer get along. 

Conclusion

I hope that these steps and tips will help enable you to get the social life that you need, but keep in mind that it will take legwork on your behalf for you to see results. I wish you all the very best of luck. Feel free to contact me if you have any results or questions. :) 

How to Become Outgoing

It can become quite easy over time to become an introverted individual, to not really leave the house spending longer periods of time on your own. Well this will not only have a negative affect upon your social life but also your confidence-levels and self-esteem. 

You may have once been an extrovert but now because of all the time you spend by yourself, you're now a shy reserved introvert who is nervous and/or uncomfortable around others. So as you become more shy and withdraw yourself from the outside world - the less you will want to interact with people which will only make you more shy and introverted. It becomes a viscous cycle where the only way to break it is to become outgoing. But how do you become outgoing? Well hopefully with these tips I'm about to share with you you will be able to become more of an outgoing person.


1. Attitude

The first thing about wanting to become outgoing is your attitude towards wanting to make it work. If you want to become outgoing but are expecting it to just happen like magic - then it won't happen at all. Shifting from an introvert to an extrovert is going to require effort on your behalf so you will need to have the desire and right attitude to want to make this work, involving doing something about it.

2. Smile at people

It's surprising how shy a person can become from spending too much time by themselves - to the point where they don't even feel confident enough to make eye-contact and/or interaction with a person at all. So with this in mind make it a new goal of each day to smile at at least 2 different people (excluding your family). At first you may feel frightened to do so, and it's not encouraging when the other person doesn't smile in return, but don't be discouraged or disheartened - over time it will get better and soon you will wonder why you ever made a big-deal about simply smiling at people because it will be automatic. 

3. Get out of the house more

This doesn't have to be for going to meet-up with people, it is so that you will become more used to getting out of the house and seeing others go about their daily life. You could try going to shops to buy something or take a walk through areas where lots of people are. The more you are around people - the more comfortable you will become and this will help with your confidence.

4. Say hi to people

A great tip to get you more used to interacting with others is to simply say "hi" to people. It could be to a person who walks past you in the street who you make eye-contact with, it could be to a person who serves you at a shop, to people who you work with, to anyone really. You don't have to do it to everyone you meet and is best that you don't as it could seem a bit strange. Just make it another goal to say hi to at least 2 people a day.

5. Make a joke or two

When you're around a person or people, allow yourself to make a joke or two. People don't always want to talk seriously and are often glad of some humour. You may make jokes that don't get any attention at all or backfire but the more you get used to making them, the more you will be able to judge what people find humorous. Then when you finally receive some laughs you will have a confidence-boost and this will help you to relax more around others. 

6. Start a conversation with someone

Now you can't do this with everyone because not everyone wants a conversation. For example: people who you walk past in the street. The majority of people who you pass in the street will not want to start a conversation with you as they are heading somewhere (although there are some that would happily start talking to you).

This tip is usually best when people are stationary or when something has just happened. For example: whilst at the bus-stop, whilst in a queue, maybe something has just happened near to you and others and you just simply make a comment.

You could start with a question (e.g. what time is the bus?) or a comment about something that could be on both your minds (brrr, it's cold today isn't it?). Do this a couple of times to the same person (different questions though of course) and if they reply with one-word answers then you know that a conversation is most likely not going to happen. If however, the person replies with a sentence or asks a question or makes a joke, then this is a good indication that you could probably start-up a conversation with them. 

7.  Further friendships

Try to further any friendships you have with people or with people you meet, or with people who you used to speak to. Talk to them regularly and get it to the stage where you are both comfortable talking to each other and can do so easily. Get it to the point where you are inside the 'friendship-loop/circle' as it were and are no longer just a friend who isn't involved. You may be asked to do something or you may have to ask to do something and if it gets you doing something then good for you. :)

8. Join a club

A club is a great thing to be involved in as it will give you something to do and will get you to interact with others or at least be around others. If it's a sport then you will definitely be interacting with others (well with one or two exceptions) and this will be great for your confidence. You may also make a friend or two at your chosen club(s) which could lead to other possibilities to do things. 

9. Give complements 

Everyone likes a complement and by giving them people will be more likely to give them back to you. You'll feel better for doing so and others will take more of a liking to you - which could possibly lead to conversations in the future which could lead to friendships which could lead to doing activities together. 

10. Be Helpful

Being helpful is another great thing to do to help boost confidence to be able to do outgoing things. If they seem angry it's not your fault - normally people get flustered in certain situations and find it hard to remain calm, so if they do snap at you don't take it to heart. You'll also get used to interacting with people you've just met which will improve conversation skills too.


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