10 Ways to Become Less Clingy

Being clingy, whilst shows that you have strong feelings for your partner, can become an annoyance and in more extreme cases push them away from you. Of course your partner will be thrilled that you want to be with them and spend time talking with them, what they won't appreciate however is you acting almost obsessively over them, not letting them have their own free time and life.

When someone in the relationship makes clear that they would like some space, it is a big indication to how clingy a person is.
Follow these tips and you should be able to become less clingy.

1. Know your Behaviour

I've said this many times before and this certainly won't be the last time that I'm going to mention it: When wanting to change a bad habit you have to first acknowledge that you have one. If the acknowledgement of your problem is not there then what are you planning on changing, if you don't see a bad habit then why bother? So this is the first and foremost step in tackling this predicament. 

2. Where's the Trust

Clinginess often stems from trust issues that the clingy individual has. Whatever the reason for why they have them, a relationship with no trust just won't work. Maybe their trust issues were sparked due to an earlier life incident that left them emotionally scarred, which is often how people develop a habit to not trust others, and over the years can become increasingly worse.

Don't let your distrust of your partner cause you to say rash things or to make you say accusations against them, based on just how you feel.
Talk to your partner about your trust problems and explain that you have a hard time trusting people, and that it isn't directed at them intentionally - it's just a part of you that you would like to change and overcome.

Your partner is there to support you in times like this, and if you want to work through these issues then they will be willing (I would hope so) to help in any way possible. There is no quick-fix to serious trust issues, but with a change to your perspective upon things; the support of those around you; and time, you should get there in the end.

3. Don't be so Anxious

Anxiety is often linked to stress and normally has roots deep within the person. Maybe it's because you can't handle everything that is going on in your life and feel that everything is getting on top of you? 
When you become stressed, anxious, or panicky, whilst its an indication that you feel like you have to worry about something, remember: what situation gets better through worrying and getting yourself worked up?

Here are two articles that you may want to read: '8 Unconventional Ways to Fight Anxiety' and 'The Common Causes of Stress and how to Deal with it'.

4. Have other Commitments

A great way to stop clinginess or at least reduce it is by leading a busy fulfilling life - easier said than done. Try to include things in your life that you could do regularly and look forward to doing. Take up a hobby that you would like to pursue, join a club of some sorts, make sure that you have something that occupies your time. 
If you don't have much going on apart from work or education etc, then it is very easy for you to want to spend all of your free time with your partner or best friend, but if your life has at least one fun/rewarding activity - your week can become much more fulfilling. You could then add another activity to your weekly/monthly list and slowly fill your schedule, having a balanced life between your 'own time' and the time which you spend with your partner or best friend(s).

5. Build Confidence

Another possible reason for clingy behaviour could be down to an insecurity and lack of self-confidence. You may have fears that you are always going to remain alone and that you will never find someone to settle down with. A lot of people have these fears but it doesn't mean that you need to be clingy when you do meet someone.
These sort of fears can cause clingy people to become overly-clingy if they meet someone because they have a genuine fear of losing them - but sadly clinginess can quite often have that effect and end up pushing them away, no-one really wants to be feel smothered 24/7 in a relationship.

If you are more self-confident and are happier with yourself as a person then you probably won't be so obsessive with making sure that you don't lose people when you meet them (not meaning to sound harsh there). The point is that a bit of self-confidence could do the world of good with helping you in this situation.

6. Have your own goals

This is very similar to having commitments. Having your own goals are things that you must strive for if you want to achieve, and therefore must include dedicating some of your time towards. These goals can be as simple or as difficult as you like. Some example: training for a sporting event, getting in better shape, revising for an degree, etc. 

Here's an article that you may find interesting relating to this topic: Why you Need a Goal.

7. Learn to Spend Time Alone

The majority of clingy people don't like spending time alone and prefer to spend 98% of their time with other people. If you are always spending time with other people, when there comes a time when you are alone and need to occupy yourself, you are going to find it hard to not get bored spending that time by yourself unless you have something to do.

Spending time by yourself does not mean you can't do anything and that you have to be bored.

• Go Shopping - You can look at what you want and aren't under the constraints of others.
• Go for a Walk - Take yourself for a walk. The fresh air and exercise are great for your body and the time can help you clear your head. 
• Draw or Read - Drawing and reading are two great ways to pass the time and can become something that you look forward to doing. Here are two articles that you may find interesting: 'How to get Better at Drawing' and '10 Benefits of Reading'.
• Take up a Hobby - As mentioned in point #4, a hobby can become more than something to pass the time when you are alone, it can also become a commitment that you purposefully make time to do.

8. Don't Assume that People want you to take Care of them


Clingy people may feel the need to take care of others, I put emphasis on the 'need'. They feel like they need to give advice and pointers for other peoples situations when in fact the other person doesn't need it. Sometimes others will want you for your advice but don't assume that everybody needs it or wants, it can be very easy to come across as patronising. Give it when they ask, don't act like their mother. 

9. Give People Space

Everybody needs their own space and won't appreciate someone else glued to their side constantly, even in a relationship this can become very annoying. Learn to give others the space they need, it's not the end of the world if you don't see them every single day of the year. 

I'm not suggesting that you don't spend time together or that it is wrong to spend a lot of time together but when that becomes your life, and you get to the point where all you want to do is spend time with that person and they don't have room to breath...I think it would be very wise to take a step back.  
Giving space doesn't only mean not being with them but also refraining from texting/messaging/phoning them as this will still have the same smothering effect. 

Try to read some signs that may indicate that this person wants some space. For example: he/she may not be answering your calls or texts as often, maybe they mention how they have a lot of things to do during the next week or so. By giving people space they will come to enjoy your company more when they do see you, and the same is true vice versa.

10. Be Aware of what you say

Clingy people may not even realise they are doing this, to others on the receiving end though it is quite common to notice clinginess through what they do 'and' also by what they say. For example: Things like: "Where have you been, why didn't you tell me?", "Why didn't you call me straightaway when you finished work?". These may seem like absolutely innocent questions to you but to the person on the receiving end it can easily come across as accusations and give the impression of an interrogation-like conversation, highlighting the clinginess. 

Try to imagine if it was you who was always being questioned, would you be so receptive? Someone always wanting to know where you've been, what you're doing, who you've been with, how long you were there for, why you didn't let them know sooner, etc. 
I'm not saying you can't ask these questions, I'm saying be aware of how often you ask these questions and the tone of your voice when you do - these little things can make a lot of difference. 

Conclusion

Becoming less clingy, like a lot of ingrained habits, is a hard process to break. However, like any ingrained habit with persistence and self discipline you can overcome it. Whether these tips or others are used, I hope that any clingy people reading this who want to break free of it succeed.