How to get over Shyness

It's a horrible feeling isn't it? When you are out or in a situation where there other people and you feel like you can't be yourself, where you would like to speak up or join in but can't because your shyness is holding you back. Shyness is not uncommon and as human-beings we all experience this, however some individuals are just naturally more shy than others and so can get theirself into a bit of a rut and aren't sure how to get out. Well in this post I am hoping to help and have some tips to how you can get over your shyness.

1. How do you want to Change your Shyness?

If you're reading this post then it's likely that you are wanting to know how to deal with your shyness, or at least certain aspects of it, but to what extent do you want to deal with it? Do you just want to be able to feel comfortable in places where there are large crowds? Do you want to become more comfortable with talking to people? Maybe you want to have a huge lifestyle change and become really outgoing and social? - in which case here are two of my recent posts that you may find useful: How to Become Outgoing and How to Get a Social Life.

Some people like to hold onto you could say some of their shyness as they believe it helps define them as a character, which is fine it's up to whatever they and you choose. 

It's important that you know how much you want to change as this will not only determine how much work is needed to be done but it also gives you a clear goal for you to focus your attentions upon.

2. Get Out of the House More Often

A common thing for shy people to do, and is something that I used to do as mentioned in point #3 , is to not leave the house. When I say this I don't mean that they never leave the house, they most likely will for example: shopping, dog walks, family events, etc. However for the most part they won't feel comfortable with leaving the house and will be happy to return where they feel safe.

When shyness causes you to retreat to being isolated inside their home, it can become concerning for your well-being. The reason I say this is that the more time you spend at home and the less time you leave your home - the less inclined you will become to leave. This isn't something that will happen straight away but can quite easily happen over the course of a couple of months or so, or sometimes even weeks depending upon the person.

You'll start to get into your own routine and go about it from day-to-day, which isn't a bad thing, but you will be a prisoner to your own shyness.

Leaving the house is such an easy yet hard thing to do. Easy because all it requires you to do is to open the front door and leave, and yet hard because you don't really want to leave and even if you do you don't know what you would do?

To leave the house - you don't have to have plans or have something that you need to do in order to do it, in fact you can just do something as simple as going for a walk. Try walking in areas where you know will have people in - the more the better, so for example: towns, cities, villages, the beach, etc...

It's making sure that you expose yourself to the outside world so that you remain (or get) comfortable with leaving the house.

3. Get a Job

This is tip is not meant to be disrespectful or demeaning in any way as I know that getting a job is much easier said than done, and also that some individuals are unable to work for particular circumstances. However, with that said, having a job can be a confidence-booster, especially if this job entails interacting with others. Not only can it be good for confidence-boosting but it can also be an opportunity to forge new friendships and relationships.

I can remember when i didn't have a job and what I was like then. I was already a shy and I suppose a somewhat insecure individual who really did nothing. I wouldn't like to leave the comfort of my house and would feel uncomfortable if I was away from home for too long, the only time I would leave the house would be to walk the dog and even that would be more time spent alone. The rest of my family would be out of the house working and doing things whilst I would just stay at home and let my shyness and insecurities become a little out of control.

It was weird because I knew that I needed to change as I could see that I was ruining my life by letting this shyness take over what I could and mostly couldn't do, and after about 2 years of this and my self-esteem and confidence reaching new lows - I decided to do something about it. I went job-searching!

I spent a good part of a day scouring for jobs and picking up application forms left, right and centre. Then once I was home I got to work on them. Of all the application forms I filled in, only one managed to get me a job interview. So feeling very nervous I went. I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life at the time as I felt extremely out of my comfort zone. After the interview had finished I was hoping that I wouldn't get the job but a couple of weeks later I was phoned to say that I had got it.

At the start I felt very shy - I didn't speak to people and felt uncomfortable being around the other members of staff. I would never go up to the staff room for lunch like the majority of the staff do because I was too timid to. After some time though I noticed that I was talking to a few people briefly and was finding it more tolerable to be where everyone else was.

Now I am so much more confident. I talk to every member of staff, have made new friends, get invited to events, laugh and joke with them all, and feel much more comfortable and confident around people. I also make an effort to talk to the new staff who start, which to my surprise everyone else doesn't as they don't know what to say, but because I feel so much more confident I have become friends with all the new members of staff and have even done things outside of work with them.

Getting a job really did make a difference to my life and is a change that I am very happy with. 

If you are in the process of job searching and have managed to get yourself an interview then you may find these posts helpful: 10 Vital Questions to Ask in a Job Interview and 15 Mistakes to Avoid in an Interview.

4. Join a Club

A club is a great place where you can boost your confidence around others and at the same time enable you to participate in something that you enjoy. If it's a club that causes you to take-part and interact with others for it to work (for example: a team based sports club like football), then you'll become much more used to being around others which will help you to become more confident.

If it's a club you are spotted doing well in, then this will often lead people to see you in a more favorable light, which I know sounds bad and shallow but is very often the case - if you're good at something then people will notice and recognize you for something, and can lead them to trying to include you more.

5. Push those Insecure Thoughts Aside

Don't let those insecure and negative thoughts get you down. Shy and reserved people will often allow these things to fester in their mind, and the more that these thoughts are allowed to dwell there the more likely they are going to make you feel worse. When was the last time a negative thought made you happy?

Negative and insecure thoughts being allowed to linger in your head is really like being in a trap, I've mentioned this above when I spoke about how I let this happen to me, in that the more a person thinks about these harmful thoughts the more their mind will slowly start to distort and take them out of proportion - which will in turn fuel these thoughts to continue, which will then only make the person feel worse and so on and so on...

It's a vicious cycle that traps a lot of people and is often a very hard one to escape from. 

Conclusion

Shyness is no easy feat to get around and is something that will always remain with us, however, it can become manageable and I hope that with these tips and any others you may have that you are able to overcome your shyness.