How to Get a Social Life

A social life is something that most people desire for to be content with - people who they can frequently do things with and rely on for company and support. Ideally this is what we want, however it can be hard to make new friends sometimes and sometimes just as hard to keep in contact.

There are some reasons to how and why an individual can get themselves into a predicament where they don't have a social life:

• They once preferred to be alone but now are wanting a social life
• They're embarrassed about not having much of a social life and so retreat even more
• Work takes up their life
• Friends have moved away and now they're left alone
• They've moved to a new place and don't know anyone
• A large majority of their friends in their 'social circle' has recently vanished, for example all went to college or universities. 
• They've started to become distant from their friends and don't get along as well any more. 
• They don't know how to make friends and so don't 
• They're socially awkward around others so are not able to properly communicate with others making socialising hard.
• They've made a lifestyle-change and so are trying to find a different social-climate. For example they're trying to not go to the pub any more so are trying to find people to hang out with who don't really go to the pub. 
• You and your usual friends are always busy at whenever the other one is usually free. For example unsociable working hours for one person and usual day working hours for the others. 

Alright, now to get a social life one must have friends which can be quite difficult to obtain (I mean proper friends) but once you've got them it's not so hard. So here are some steps to help you in your quest to make some friends and get a social life.

1. Pick out people who you think could become good-friends

Okay, so the first step that you will need to take in building a social-life is that of choosing some people to become friends with. Don't just choose any random person who you come across or interact with, but people you may see quite regularly or people you may talk to and get along with. It's easier to turn existing acquaintances into friends. 
For example: Lets say that you go to a gym once to three times a week. And in this gym you go to there is a person, or people, who you get along with and have a conversation with. Now this person, or these people, are more familiar to you than any random person you may suddenly meet as you have met and recognise one another, and so therefore would be a better candidate to become friends with.

Maybe though you do want to meet new people who you haven't met before and are wanting to make a new group of friends because you want to change the style of people you hand around with or because you just want to meet new friends. Here are some places where you will have the chance to meet new people and also where you will be able to improve relationships upon existing contacts:

• Work (a popular one)
• School/College (another popular one)
• Activity clubs 
• Pub/Club 
• Gym
• Events (maybe a local event like a village gardening fair or maybe a huge event like a music festival)
• Somewhere where you meet the same person on more than one occasion (for example a dog walk)

There are many other places where you can make friends and lasting relationships, but remember that this will require effort on your behalf.
Here are some possibilities you may find familiar and may be able to relate to, to finding potential friends and be on your way to building a social life.

• People who are in your class/workplace who you have spoken to one on or more occasion 
• People who you run into often and are friendly with (for example: if you have a dog and take it for a walk and run into the same person most days/weeks)
• Friends of friends
• Friends of family members
• A friend who you used to get along with or see but have now drifted
• Someone who has seemed like they would want to become friends with you but it never developed. 

 These are just some examples of possible people who could become friends. Try to keep yourself busy and get out of the house often - join clubs, get a job (if you don't, and is easier said than done I realise), try to live a full life and this will naturally make you a more interesting person who will have a better chance of finding friends. 
Here's a full article that you may find useful: How to Become Outgoing.

2. Get to know them better

The next and most logical step after picking likely friends would be to get to know them better. In step #1 I mentioned that you may already be talking to them a bit, so now you need to try and take it a step further and get to a stage where both of you are comfortable talking to one another. A good a place as any to start is in the process of asking them questions about themselves, from this you may be able to stem a conversation together.

Most people like it when you take an interest in them and their life and are more likely to give a better response. They will most likely ask questions about your life too. Don't give them one-word answer responses (unless that is all that is needed) but try to expand upon your answer and give them an insight into your life. Don't overwhelm them with too much information though and don't bring up something that could lower the mood, like for example sad news you've recently received, only because the other person might not know how to respond and it could bring the conversation to an end.

Also another thing is to not ask them too many questions one-after-another because whilst people are fine with answering your interest in them, not many people appreciate being bombarded with question after question.
It's also good to keep the conversation light and upbeat at this part of the developing friendship, make the occasional joke here and there where you can (try to make sure it's funny) - some people are more naturally gifted at doing this than others are. Jokes aren't a mandatory thing to do but everyone likes to be made to laugh.

Don't feel like you have to win them over in just one meeting, although if you manage to all the better, but can be done over several meetings with this person, say for example at the gym.  

3. Make Plans

Once you are comfortable with talking with one another and you both appear to get along in each others company, the next step is to make plans with them. This is one of the biggest stages of the friendship because without this step the relationship won't last. Your relationship with this person won't advance any further and they will always just remain (and you to them) the guy who I talk to at the gym, or the girl from school who I speak to during science, or the friends at work I only see when I'm at work.

Different people cope with this step in different ways, and some just hit a brick-wall and stop altogether. The more confident individuals will feel more comfortable asking another person if they want to do something than that of a shy reserved person. If you are a shy or reserved person, don't worry about rejection, because whilst it may sting at first, is surprisingly easy to get used to and the more you ask people the less you will be bothered by it.

When asking the person in question, don't come across as too keen or desperate as this will give the impression that you don't do much (even if you actually don't do much) and can sometimes be slightly unsettling for the other person - just bring it up casually into a conversation.
For example lets say you've both been talking about a film that you both want to watch and neither of you have plans to see it, it would be an opportune time to ask if they would want to go and see it with you.
Make a habit of picking up contact details as well as this will enable you to contact them outside of where you normally see them and will make it easier for future planning.

4. Always say yes to invitations when possible

Inviting people and organising events can be a troublesome task, or seem like it anyway, but when you are invited it just becomes so much easier for you. This is a golden opportunity to do something with them and you need not fear about being turned-down as they were the one(s) that wanted to spend time with you - so all you need say is yes.

Always when possible (even if you can't be bothered) say yes to people's invitations. The more you say yes to people and accept their offer to do something will mean that they will be inclined to ask you to do something again at a later date.
Although I mentioned briefly in step #3 about not worrying about rejection, it doesn't mean that people won't feel it, and in the same way you may feel rejected if someone turns down your invitation - the same is true of the individual asking you, and this may put them off of asking you to do something.

If you can't accept their invitation to do something for whatever reason, don't just tell them no and that you can't do it, do that but also come up with another date when you are free and offer to do something with them then. This will mean that although it is a no, it isn't really as you are suggesting that you still want to do something with them. This then leaves the decision back in their hands and as they were originally asking you to do something they're likely to say yes to your offer...unless they're busy. :) In which case if they are busy, then as you know that this person wants to do something with you, ask them to do something at another time.

5. Keep the relationship going

Once you've managed to do something with this person, or these people, and you both got along (or the group of you got along) and it seemed to have gone well, then now you to ask them to do something again to keep the friendship continuing.
Once you've done something once you could consider them a friend and that might be what you want: a friend to occasionally meet up with but not someone to do something with regularly. If you do however want a more consistent regular friend to hang around with then you will need to pluck up the courage to ask them to do something again. It's through doing more things together that your relationship as friends will grow. Some people this won't work with, others will be easier to do things with, but the more you do together - the closer you should become as friends.

After doing something it's probably not a good idea (well, depends on the person) to do something the day straight after unless if they suggest it, maybe the next week or so. If you do manage to maintain the friendship for a bit, then they may start to ask you to do things instead of you asking them, and when this happens then you know that it's working. Now when I said a couple of sentences ago about asking them to do something every week or so but not everyday, I'm referring to the initial stages of the friendship, obviously if you manage to become good friends then you may to hang-out most days of the week. The reason I suggest not overdoing it in the early stages is because they may have other things to do or because they've just started to do things with you they don't want to suddenly do most things with you - you don't want to become overbearing.  

Remember you can ask other people to do things with if you are feeling up to it and still maintain contact with the other person/people, this will mean that you will have more of a varied social life. 
Also you may be able to meet you new-friends friends and then over time become part of the group.

6. Don't be Picky

Your first and foremost goal here is to gain a social life, so you can't afford to be picky at this point. You may be building your growing social life with people who don't really suit your character but you will still be gaining a social life. Having a social life will be able to get you more accustomed with talking and dealing with people, which in itself is a good skill to have - especially if you are planning on meeting new friends. 
Having a social life will make your life more interesting and that will affect the way others view you - as a more interesting character. You will also be more likely to meet new people if you already have a social life and are comfortable going to new places.

7. Don't worry over rejection

I mentioned this at an earlier point in this article but I thought I'd bring it to your attention again just because of the fact that a lot of people get hung up over this.Rejection, whilst in itself can sting like a snake-bite, is not the be all and end all of this world. Everyone face it at some point of their life and everyone deals with it in different ways, but if you stop and think about it, isn't really a big thing to worry over. 

If you do experience rejection just keep in mind that billions of people around the globe will have faced that feeling or will face it at some time, and if everyone who had ever faced rejection never moved on from it - then we would not have got very far as a people. 
Rejection doesn't mean that a person doesn't like you, they probably just have their own reasons for saying no. E.g. they already have plans, they aren't really feeling up to doing something with you at the moment, other responsibilities, etc. Don't take offence. The best thing to do is to still remain friendly to them and put it in the past. 
Don't whatever you do now start to ignore them or dislike them for it as this could well cause tensions to fly between you  - it would be better for you to still be friendly to one another and talk rather than this minor mishap cause you to no longer get along. 

Conclusion

I hope that these steps and tips will help enable you to get the social life that you need, but keep in mind that it will take legwork on your behalf for you to see results. I wish you all the very best of luck. Feel free to contact me if you have any results or questions. :)