Some of you are likely to have heard of or about the 10,000 hour rule which was popularized in Malcolm Gladwell's book 'Outliers'.
The 10,000 hour rule in summary, is a theory that suggests that in order to become an expert, or to gain mastery, in a field of one's choice, one must put in enough deliberate practice to get to that level...10,000 hours worth in fact.
The term deliberate practice refers to practice where you are engaged and fully concentrating on what you are doing, not just messing around or doing what you like, but challenging yourself and pushing yourself to improve.
There are mixed opinions when it comes to the '10,000 hour rule'. Some people are fully behind the concept 100%, whilst others are more on the skeptical side. I won't go into the arguments for and against as you can just Google them, but I will state my opinion on the theory.
I believe that it differs from person to person, different learning-rates and intelligence being a factor, also depending upon how you learn/the way you are taught.. I've heard that practicing 2 hours a day the wrong way is equivalent to 30 minutes practicing the right way, which is why 'deliberate' practice is mentioned, or 'quality' practice. I wouldn't say that 10,000 hours is a magical benchmark in which you automatically gain mastery status upon achievement of, but 10,000 hours is a lot of time put into a field of choice and so is feasible that you could become an expert. 10,000 hours whatever the outcome,is going to leave you in a much better position than when you first started.
Intrigued with idea however, I decided that I would test out this theory for myself. I know that there is going to be a long road ahead and that it won't be an easy feat by any means, and is going to reveal how committed I can remain, and if I have enough self discipline for the task in front of me. If I do manage to get to the end of this long road (which I plan to), I'll be able to see if hard work really can get you to an all new standard.
To put into perspective about how much practice is required to meet the 10,000 hour benchmark, it will take you 10 years of practicing 3 hours every day of the year (365 days) to reach 10,000 hours...well 10,990 hours to be more precise. You can see the level of commitment that is required to achieve this ambitious landmark. Some inspiring and motivating present 10,000 hour challenges can be found here: TheDanPlan and DevinWilliams712.
So what is my 10,000 hour challenge? Well, some of you may be aware that I play the piano. I've managed to get past grade 8 but am definitely not an expert. I've never enjoyed practicing and have always found it a chore, so I would do the minimum I could get away with or none at all.
Around a year ago, maybe a little less, I quit lessons for various reasons. As a result of quitting lessons, I no longer 'had' to practice, and stopped playing almost altogether, familiarizing myself once or twice every couple of months before stopping again.
However, I am now wanting to get into a consistent and self-disciplined routine where I see myself get to a much higher level.
I started the piano coming up to 10 years ago now, but because I hardy practiced - I would be surprised if I had even reached 1,500 hours of practice, and I'm guessing that around 500 of those hours is all you could say were 'quality' hours. So you can probably tell that even though I'm not new to this field, I still have so much to improve upon to even come close to an experts level.
The amount of determined practice per day that I'm going to aim for is 2-3 hours minimum. From only touching the piano a few times in the last year to setting myself a target of 2-3 hours of practice a day is going to be a big shock, but is something I'll need to get used to.
I didn't want to do an hour a day as I felt that that was too little time to spend on improving, taking 28 years to finish!!! No, 2 - 3 hours seems like a good daily target, and I can always play much more than that if I feel like it.
At the time of you reading this post I will be already 7 days into this monumental challenge. I will be giving updates to how I'm doing every 30 days or so.
Selasa, 25 Juni 2013
Kamis, 20 Juni 2013
How to be Less Sensitive
Firstly before I get into this post, I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. In fact sensitivity often enables us to sympathize and empathize with others better than less sensitive people. So why bother becoming less sensitive?
This post isn't aimed at getting rid of a persons sensitivity, no - that would not be a good thing to strive for, but at those who are over-sensitive. Overly-sensitive people can often have problems in their day-to-day lives that other people don't, such as: overreacting to comments & situations, taking offense over trivial things, becoming upset over trivial things, feeling vulnerable and threatened, etc. These can make that persons day-to-day living harder than you might expect.
For those of you who are more sensitive than the average person and would like to put a restraint on how sensitive you are, good news, you can reduce your sensitivity.
1. Don't take Everything to Heart
Don't take offense at, or to heart, everything that somebody else says, if you do - you are going to be offended a lot. Not everyone is out to make you feel upset of distressed so don't take the things people say to heart when they have no intention of trying to cause you emotional harm.
If you are offended over what someone says that is purposefully directed at you, have you ever thought that it could be because it's true? Sometimes the truth hurts, and when someone says something that we are unhappy with maybe it is because there is truth behind it? Say to yourself "Is this a true statement?" and if it is, then maybe it is a justified statement? Of course not all true statements are fair to bring up and are completely unnecessary, but sometimes they are.
Another thing that can be taken the wrong way and is generally dramatized inside the mind is criticism. No-one likes criticism as it points out flaws with what you are doing and so is something you could improve upon. Now the person telling you this could be meaning it in a constructive sense or they could be doing it out of spite - lets have a look at both.
If the person is giving criticism constructively it is more than likely because:
If they are doing it spitefully just for the sake of putting you down, again, don't let your emotions get the better of you. It can be very easy to allow your reaction to be based off of emotion (as so many are) rather than thought. Don't let it bother you and carry on, you can say something as simple as "okay, thanks" and just carry on doing what you are doing.
2. What Triggers your Sensitivity?
It is common for a person to be more sensitive in one area than others. Are we reacting to what is happening now? or are we reacting upon instinct? Often when someone reacts to somebody else at the time, the person is either sad, angry, under stress, etc. These emotions can often lower someones tolerance-levels. It can be something as simple as another person asking them to do something.
It's common for a trigger to be the result of a earlier life-event. For example: They have trouble with people in authority because they were under the authority of an over-controlling parent perhaps? This is just one example of a previous experience that could trigger a persons sensitivity to react more strongly towards a situation.
When you do feel your sensitivity wavering, stop, and think about a past experience that could be the trigger of your current emotions in the situation, and if it does stem back to a earlier event, then you have something that you need to address.
However, not all triggers are from past events and may be something that has grown and materialized over time. Look into what you find hard to deal with, and don't just have a quick think before declaring to yourself that you are fine, really look deep within yourself and have a search for what bothers you and gets your emotions going. It can be easy to avoid doing this because you avoid the sensitive issues that you don't really want to have to think about and actually want to bury and forget. As long as those feeling remain there however, the sensitivity to those issues will also remain.
3. Don't Lie to Yourself
Over sensitivity is a topic commonly avoided and can be normal for it to be a sensitive subject for others, bringing out denial. A very hard task can sometimes be realising that you too may be a sensitive person, and your characteristics and certain behaviours could actually be a way of coping with sensitive subjects. Not many people can honestly and openly admit to a problem when they have one, or spend the time contemplating on why and how it came about. These people who do though are the people who are able to make change and take hold of their problem and change.
A big step in finding out if you are overly-sensitive around certain issues is simply by taking the step to search within yourself for answers. Sometimes this process can take hours of self-conflict to gain any results, but this is good, self-conflict indicates that you are putting effort and thought into gaining insight to how you actually feel.
4. Govern your Emotions
Much easier said than done. When you feel your emotions starting to take hold of you, or you can foresee a situation arising whereby your emotions are going to take hold, stay calm and think about what is going on. Is it really something to get worked up over? Take a deep breath and move past it, calm yourself down. Reacting in a calmer state generally produces a better outcome than when acting on pure impulse as an emotional response. You are less likely to have regrets later on too.
5. Talk About it
Letting these sensitive issues ferment inside you isn't healthy for your well-being, they won't go away on their own and will fester inside of you. Talking to someone you trust is a great way to alleviate the burden that you hold. Opening up will not only get you thinking about these 'sore areas' but can often be a surprise to how much the subject bothers you and/or upsets you. The person will be able to comfort you and will often give advice about what they think you should do. You don't need to tell the world about it, but only 1 or 2 people who you trust. For example: a family member, a close friend, etc.
Conclusion
Keep in mind that most people aren't out to offend or hurt you, sometimes it's a persons characteristic. Find the trigger(s), keep calm, look deep within, and talk about it. Also remember that being sensitive is not a bad thing and can often aid a person in conveying sympathy to others, and can have a better view to how others are feeling at a given moment.
This post isn't aimed at getting rid of a persons sensitivity, no - that would not be a good thing to strive for, but at those who are over-sensitive. Overly-sensitive people can often have problems in their day-to-day lives that other people don't, such as: overreacting to comments & situations, taking offense over trivial things, becoming upset over trivial things, feeling vulnerable and threatened, etc. These can make that persons day-to-day living harder than you might expect.
For those of you who are more sensitive than the average person and would like to put a restraint on how sensitive you are, good news, you can reduce your sensitivity.
1. Don't take Everything to Heart
Don't take offense at, or to heart, everything that somebody else says, if you do - you are going to be offended a lot. Not everyone is out to make you feel upset of distressed so don't take the things people say to heart when they have no intention of trying to cause you emotional harm.
If you are offended over what someone says that is purposefully directed at you, have you ever thought that it could be because it's true? Sometimes the truth hurts, and when someone says something that we are unhappy with maybe it is because there is truth behind it? Say to yourself "Is this a true statement?" and if it is, then maybe it is a justified statement? Of course not all true statements are fair to bring up and are completely unnecessary, but sometimes they are.
Another thing that can be taken the wrong way and is generally dramatized inside the mind is criticism. No-one likes criticism as it points out flaws with what you are doing and so is something you could improve upon. Now the person telling you this could be meaning it in a constructive sense or they could be doing it out of spite - lets have a look at both.
If the person is giving criticism constructively it is more than likely because:
- a) they want to help you improve where you need to improve
- b) it is vital that you improve for whatever reason (e.g. in the workplace)
- c) They feel you would benefit from the criticism by knowing where improvements could be made, and in the long-run (and short-run) be better for you.
If they are doing it spitefully just for the sake of putting you down, again, don't let your emotions get the better of you. It can be very easy to allow your reaction to be based off of emotion (as so many are) rather than thought. Don't let it bother you and carry on, you can say something as simple as "okay, thanks" and just carry on doing what you are doing.
2. What Triggers your Sensitivity?
It is common for a person to be more sensitive in one area than others. Are we reacting to what is happening now? or are we reacting upon instinct? Often when someone reacts to somebody else at the time, the person is either sad, angry, under stress, etc. These emotions can often lower someones tolerance-levels. It can be something as simple as another person asking them to do something.
It's common for a trigger to be the result of a earlier life-event. For example: They have trouble with people in authority because they were under the authority of an over-controlling parent perhaps? This is just one example of a previous experience that could trigger a persons sensitivity to react more strongly towards a situation.
When you do feel your sensitivity wavering, stop, and think about a past experience that could be the trigger of your current emotions in the situation, and if it does stem back to a earlier event, then you have something that you need to address.
However, not all triggers are from past events and may be something that has grown and materialized over time. Look into what you find hard to deal with, and don't just have a quick think before declaring to yourself that you are fine, really look deep within yourself and have a search for what bothers you and gets your emotions going. It can be easy to avoid doing this because you avoid the sensitive issues that you don't really want to have to think about and actually want to bury and forget. As long as those feeling remain there however, the sensitivity to those issues will also remain.
3. Don't Lie to Yourself
Over sensitivity is a topic commonly avoided and can be normal for it to be a sensitive subject for others, bringing out denial. A very hard task can sometimes be realising that you too may be a sensitive person, and your characteristics and certain behaviours could actually be a way of coping with sensitive subjects. Not many people can honestly and openly admit to a problem when they have one, or spend the time contemplating on why and how it came about. These people who do though are the people who are able to make change and take hold of their problem and change.
A big step in finding out if you are overly-sensitive around certain issues is simply by taking the step to search within yourself for answers. Sometimes this process can take hours of self-conflict to gain any results, but this is good, self-conflict indicates that you are putting effort and thought into gaining insight to how you actually feel.
4. Govern your Emotions
Much easier said than done. When you feel your emotions starting to take hold of you, or you can foresee a situation arising whereby your emotions are going to take hold, stay calm and think about what is going on. Is it really something to get worked up over? Take a deep breath and move past it, calm yourself down. Reacting in a calmer state generally produces a better outcome than when acting on pure impulse as an emotional response. You are less likely to have regrets later on too.
5. Talk About it
Letting these sensitive issues ferment inside you isn't healthy for your well-being, they won't go away on their own and will fester inside of you. Talking to someone you trust is a great way to alleviate the burden that you hold. Opening up will not only get you thinking about these 'sore areas' but can often be a surprise to how much the subject bothers you and/or upsets you. The person will be able to comfort you and will often give advice about what they think you should do. You don't need to tell the world about it, but only 1 or 2 people who you trust. For example: a family member, a close friend, etc.
Conclusion
Keep in mind that most people aren't out to offend or hurt you, sometimes it's a persons characteristic. Find the trigger(s), keep calm, look deep within, and talk about it. Also remember that being sensitive is not a bad thing and can often aid a person in conveying sympathy to others, and can have a better view to how others are feeling at a given moment.
Kamis, 13 Juni 2013
1 Minute a day Goal
Many people have daily, weekly, monthly, and sometimes even life-long goals. The purpose of a goal is having a target you can firmly set your sights on and aiming to achieve that said target. I've already written a post about why goals are important to have in your life so I won't go into that in this article.
If you are wanting to know why it is important to have a goal in your life, you can view that here: 'Why you Need a Goal'.
Sometimes finding the motivation to get yourself to actually commit to your goal can be tricky and so that is why a lot of people use motivational tricks to help them.
One of these motivational tricks you can use is the '1 Minute a day goal'. It may sound too good to be true, 1 minute a day!, and I can complete my goals?, well, let me explain first.
When we have a goal (or goals) we will need to dedicate some of our time in trying to achieve it otherwise we will never succeed in its completion. The time we dedicate in trying to finish a goal can be done once a day, once a week, or whenever we decide, etc. However, making sure that we do take time out of our day to pursue these goals can be hard and motivation is a real key to this. If we lack motivation then we aren't as likely to do something and so our self discipline needs to be at a higher level in order to make ourselves carry out this time. However, many of us aren't strict with ourselves and don't incorporate enough self-discipline to make sure we carry this out.
Something like 30 minutes everyday can help make tremendous progress towards your goal and will often help see you succeed (dependent upon your time-scale and the scale of the task), yet some people don't have enough time in the day for 30 minutes of 'goal achieving time'. So this is where the '1 minute a day goal' comes into the picture. This goal is for those of you who don't have much time at all but yet still want to pursue your goal.
When we think of a minute, it's really no time at all - 60 seconds and it's over. The aim of this is for you to dedicate 1 minute of your time every day to pursuing your goal. 1 Minute - that's all. A minute isn't going to have an impact on your day and is very easy to motivate yourself to do...but that's the point. Because you will find it very easy to do something for only a minute, often you can easily overrun the original 60 seconds. That 1 minute then becomes 5 minutes, and that 5 minutes then becomes 10.
Conclusion
This motivational techniques is all about getting you to commit to your goal a minute a day. The daily target is this short because it has the intention for you to overrun and spend longer.
Realistically doing only a minute a day isn't really going to help you with your goal nearly as much as 30 minutes or an hour is, and so I wouldn't recommend it for medium-sized to larger-sized goals. But for those smaller goals and who don't have much time on their hands, this could be what you are looking for.
If you are wanting to know why it is important to have a goal in your life, you can view that here: 'Why you Need a Goal'.
Sometimes finding the motivation to get yourself to actually commit to your goal can be tricky and so that is why a lot of people use motivational tricks to help them.
One of these motivational tricks you can use is the '1 Minute a day goal'. It may sound too good to be true, 1 minute a day!, and I can complete my goals?, well, let me explain first.
When we have a goal (or goals) we will need to dedicate some of our time in trying to achieve it otherwise we will never succeed in its completion. The time we dedicate in trying to finish a goal can be done once a day, once a week, or whenever we decide, etc. However, making sure that we do take time out of our day to pursue these goals can be hard and motivation is a real key to this. If we lack motivation then we aren't as likely to do something and so our self discipline needs to be at a higher level in order to make ourselves carry out this time. However, many of us aren't strict with ourselves and don't incorporate enough self-discipline to make sure we carry this out.
Something like 30 minutes everyday can help make tremendous progress towards your goal and will often help see you succeed (dependent upon your time-scale and the scale of the task), yet some people don't have enough time in the day for 30 minutes of 'goal achieving time'. So this is where the '1 minute a day goal' comes into the picture. This goal is for those of you who don't have much time at all but yet still want to pursue your goal.
When we think of a minute, it's really no time at all - 60 seconds and it's over. The aim of this is for you to dedicate 1 minute of your time every day to pursuing your goal. 1 Minute - that's all. A minute isn't going to have an impact on your day and is very easy to motivate yourself to do...but that's the point. Because you will find it very easy to do something for only a minute, often you can easily overrun the original 60 seconds. That 1 minute then becomes 5 minutes, and that 5 minutes then becomes 10.
Conclusion
This motivational techniques is all about getting you to commit to your goal a minute a day. The daily target is this short because it has the intention for you to overrun and spend longer.
Realistically doing only a minute a day isn't really going to help you with your goal nearly as much as 30 minutes or an hour is, and so I wouldn't recommend it for medium-sized to larger-sized goals. But for those smaller goals and who don't have much time on their hands, this could be what you are looking for.
Selasa, 11 Juni 2013
10 Ways to Become Less Clingy
Being clingy, whilst shows that you have strong feelings for your partner, can become an annoyance and in more extreme cases push them away from you. Of course your partner will be thrilled that you want to be with them and spend time talking with them, what they won't appreciate however is you acting almost obsessively over them, not letting them have their own free time and life.
When someone in the relationship makes clear that they would like some space, it is a big indication to how clingy a person is.
Follow these tips and you should be able to become less clingy.
1. Know your Behaviour
I've said this many times before and this certainly won't be the last time that I'm going to mention it: When wanting to change a bad habit you have to first acknowledge that you have one. If the acknowledgement of your problem is not there then what are you planning on changing, if you don't see a bad habit then why bother? So this is the first and foremost step in tackling this predicament.
2. Where's the Trust
Clinginess often stems from trust issues that the clingy individual has. Whatever the reason for why they have them, a relationship with no trust just won't work. Maybe their trust issues were sparked due to an earlier life incident that left them emotionally scarred, which is often how people develop a habit to not trust others, and over the years can become increasingly worse.
Don't let your distrust of your partner cause you to say rash things or to make you say accusations against them, based on just how you feel.
Talk to your partner about your trust problems and explain that you have a hard time trusting people, and that it isn't directed at them intentionally - it's just a part of you that you would like to change and overcome.
Your partner is there to support you in times like this, and if you want to work through these issues then they will be willing (I would hope so) to help in any way possible. There is no quick-fix to serious trust issues, but with a change to your perspective upon things; the support of those around you; and time, you should get there in the end.
3. Don't be so Anxious
Anxiety is often linked to stress and normally has roots deep within the person. Maybe it's because you can't handle everything that is going on in your life and feel that everything is getting on top of you?
When you become stressed, anxious, or panicky, whilst its an indication that you feel like you have to worry about something, remember: what situation gets better through worrying and getting yourself worked up?
Here are two articles that you may want to read: '8 Unconventional Ways to Fight Anxiety' and 'The Common Causes of Stress and how to Deal with it'.
4. Have other Commitments
A great way to stop clinginess or at least reduce it is by leading a busy fulfilling life - easier said than done. Try to include things in your life that you could do regularly and look forward to doing. Take up a hobby that you would like to pursue, join a club of some sorts, make sure that you have something that occupies your time.
If you don't have much going on apart from work or education etc, then it is very easy for you to want to spend all of your free time with your partner or best friend, but if your life has at least one fun/rewarding activity - your week can become much more fulfilling. You could then add another activity to your weekly/monthly list and slowly fill your schedule, having a balanced life between your 'own time' and the time which you spend with your partner or best friend(s).
5. Build Confidence
Another possible reason for clingy behaviour could be down to an insecurity and lack of self-confidence. You may have fears that you are always going to remain alone and that you will never find someone to settle down with. A lot of people have these fears but it doesn't mean that you need to be clingy when you do meet someone.
These sort of fears can cause clingy people to become overly-clingy if they meet someone because they have a genuine fear of losing them - but sadly clinginess can quite often have that effect and end up pushing them away, no-one really wants to be feel smothered 24/7 in a relationship.
If you are more self-confident and are happier with yourself as a person then you probably won't be so obsessive with making sure that you don't lose people when you meet them (not meaning to sound harsh there). The point is that a bit of self-confidence could do the world of good with helping you in this situation.
6. Have your own goals
This is very similar to having commitments. Having your own goals are things that you must strive for if you want to achieve, and therefore must include dedicating some of your time towards. These goals can be as simple or as difficult as you like. Some example: training for a sporting event, getting in better shape, revising for an degree, etc.
Here's an article that you may find interesting relating to this topic: Why you Need a Goal.
7. Learn to Spend Time Alone
The majority of clingy people don't like spending time alone and prefer to spend 98% of their time with other people. If you are always spending time with other people, when there comes a time when you are alone and need to occupy yourself, you are going to find it hard to not get bored spending that time by yourself unless you have something to do.
Spending time by yourself does not mean you can't do anything and that you have to be bored.
8. Don't Assume that People want you to take Care of them
Clingy people may feel the need to take care of others, I put emphasis on the 'need'. They feel like they need to give advice and pointers for other peoples situations when in fact the other person doesn't need it. Sometimes others will want you for your advice but don't assume that everybody needs it or wants, it can be very easy to come across as patronising. Give it when they ask, don't act like their mother.
9. Give People Space
Everybody needs their own space and won't appreciate someone else glued to their side constantly, even in a relationship this can become very annoying. Learn to give others the space they need, it's not the end of the world if you don't see them every single day of the year.
I'm not suggesting that you don't spend time together or that it is wrong to spend a lot of time together but when that becomes your life, and you get to the point where all you want to do is spend time with that person and they don't have room to breath...I think it would be very wise to take a step back.
Giving space doesn't only mean not being with them but also refraining from texting/messaging/phoning them as this will still have the same smothering effect.
Try to read some signs that may indicate that this person wants some space. For example: he/she may not be answering your calls or texts as often, maybe they mention how they have a lot of things to do during the next week or so. By giving people space they will come to enjoy your company more when they do see you, and the same is true vice versa.
10. Be Aware of what you say
Clingy people may not even realise they are doing this, to others on the receiving end though it is quite common to notice clinginess through what they do 'and' also by what they say. For example: Things like: "Where have you been, why didn't you tell me?", "Why didn't you call me straightaway when you finished work?". These may seem like absolutely innocent questions to you but to the person on the receiving end it can easily come across as accusations and give the impression of an interrogation-like conversation, highlighting the clinginess.
Try to imagine if it was you who was always being questioned, would you be so receptive? Someone always wanting to know where you've been, what you're doing, who you've been with, how long you were there for, why you didn't let them know sooner, etc.
I'm not saying you can't ask these questions, I'm saying be aware of how often you ask these questions and the tone of your voice when you do - these little things can make a lot of difference.
Conclusion
Becoming less clingy, like a lot of ingrained habits, is a hard process to break. However, like any ingrained habit with persistence and self discipline you can overcome it. Whether these tips or others are used, I hope that any clingy people reading this who want to break free of it succeed.
When someone in the relationship makes clear that they would like some space, it is a big indication to how clingy a person is.
Follow these tips and you should be able to become less clingy.
1. Know your Behaviour
I've said this many times before and this certainly won't be the last time that I'm going to mention it: When wanting to change a bad habit you have to first acknowledge that you have one. If the acknowledgement of your problem is not there then what are you planning on changing, if you don't see a bad habit then why bother? So this is the first and foremost step in tackling this predicament.
2. Where's the Trust
Clinginess often stems from trust issues that the clingy individual has. Whatever the reason for why they have them, a relationship with no trust just won't work. Maybe their trust issues were sparked due to an earlier life incident that left them emotionally scarred, which is often how people develop a habit to not trust others, and over the years can become increasingly worse.
Don't let your distrust of your partner cause you to say rash things or to make you say accusations against them, based on just how you feel.
Talk to your partner about your trust problems and explain that you have a hard time trusting people, and that it isn't directed at them intentionally - it's just a part of you that you would like to change and overcome.
Your partner is there to support you in times like this, and if you want to work through these issues then they will be willing (I would hope so) to help in any way possible. There is no quick-fix to serious trust issues, but with a change to your perspective upon things; the support of those around you; and time, you should get there in the end.
3. Don't be so Anxious
Anxiety is often linked to stress and normally has roots deep within the person. Maybe it's because you can't handle everything that is going on in your life and feel that everything is getting on top of you?
When you become stressed, anxious, or panicky, whilst its an indication that you feel like you have to worry about something, remember: what situation gets better through worrying and getting yourself worked up?
Here are two articles that you may want to read: '8 Unconventional Ways to Fight Anxiety' and 'The Common Causes of Stress and how to Deal with it'.
4. Have other Commitments
A great way to stop clinginess or at least reduce it is by leading a busy fulfilling life - easier said than done. Try to include things in your life that you could do regularly and look forward to doing. Take up a hobby that you would like to pursue, join a club of some sorts, make sure that you have something that occupies your time.
If you don't have much going on apart from work or education etc, then it is very easy for you to want to spend all of your free time with your partner or best friend, but if your life has at least one fun/rewarding activity - your week can become much more fulfilling. You could then add another activity to your weekly/monthly list and slowly fill your schedule, having a balanced life between your 'own time' and the time which you spend with your partner or best friend(s).
5. Build Confidence
Another possible reason for clingy behaviour could be down to an insecurity and lack of self-confidence. You may have fears that you are always going to remain alone and that you will never find someone to settle down with. A lot of people have these fears but it doesn't mean that you need to be clingy when you do meet someone.
These sort of fears can cause clingy people to become overly-clingy if they meet someone because they have a genuine fear of losing them - but sadly clinginess can quite often have that effect and end up pushing them away, no-one really wants to be feel smothered 24/7 in a relationship.
If you are more self-confident and are happier with yourself as a person then you probably won't be so obsessive with making sure that you don't lose people when you meet them (not meaning to sound harsh there). The point is that a bit of self-confidence could do the world of good with helping you in this situation.
6. Have your own goals
This is very similar to having commitments. Having your own goals are things that you must strive for if you want to achieve, and therefore must include dedicating some of your time towards. These goals can be as simple or as difficult as you like. Some example: training for a sporting event, getting in better shape, revising for an degree, etc.
Here's an article that you may find interesting relating to this topic: Why you Need a Goal.
7. Learn to Spend Time Alone
The majority of clingy people don't like spending time alone and prefer to spend 98% of their time with other people. If you are always spending time with other people, when there comes a time when you are alone and need to occupy yourself, you are going to find it hard to not get bored spending that time by yourself unless you have something to do.
Spending time by yourself does not mean you can't do anything and that you have to be bored.
- Go Shopping - You can look at what you want and aren't under the constraints of others.
- Go for a Walk - Take yourself for a walk. The fresh air and exercise are great for your body and the time can help you clear your head.
- Draw or Read - Drawing and reading are two great ways to pass the time and can become something that you look forward to doing. Here are two articles that you may find interesting: 'How to get Better at Drawing' and '10 Benefits of Reading'.
- Take up a Hobby - As mentioned in point #4, a hobby can become more than something to pass the time when you are alone, it can also become a commitment that you purposefully make time to do.
8. Don't Assume that People want you to take Care of them
Clingy people may feel the need to take care of others, I put emphasis on the 'need'. They feel like they need to give advice and pointers for other peoples situations when in fact the other person doesn't need it. Sometimes others will want you for your advice but don't assume that everybody needs it or wants, it can be very easy to come across as patronising. Give it when they ask, don't act like their mother.
9. Give People Space
Everybody needs their own space and won't appreciate someone else glued to their side constantly, even in a relationship this can become very annoying. Learn to give others the space they need, it's not the end of the world if you don't see them every single day of the year.
I'm not suggesting that you don't spend time together or that it is wrong to spend a lot of time together but when that becomes your life, and you get to the point where all you want to do is spend time with that person and they don't have room to breath...I think it would be very wise to take a step back.
Giving space doesn't only mean not being with them but also refraining from texting/messaging/phoning them as this will still have the same smothering effect.
Try to read some signs that may indicate that this person wants some space. For example: he/she may not be answering your calls or texts as often, maybe they mention how they have a lot of things to do during the next week or so. By giving people space they will come to enjoy your company more when they do see you, and the same is true vice versa.
10. Be Aware of what you say
Clingy people may not even realise they are doing this, to others on the receiving end though it is quite common to notice clinginess through what they do 'and' also by what they say. For example: Things like: "Where have you been, why didn't you tell me?", "Why didn't you call me straightaway when you finished work?". These may seem like absolutely innocent questions to you but to the person on the receiving end it can easily come across as accusations and give the impression of an interrogation-like conversation, highlighting the clinginess.
Try to imagine if it was you who was always being questioned, would you be so receptive? Someone always wanting to know where you've been, what you're doing, who you've been with, how long you were there for, why you didn't let them know sooner, etc.
I'm not saying you can't ask these questions, I'm saying be aware of how often you ask these questions and the tone of your voice when you do - these little things can make a lot of difference.
Conclusion
Becoming less clingy, like a lot of ingrained habits, is a hard process to break. However, like any ingrained habit with persistence and self discipline you can overcome it. Whether these tips or others are used, I hope that any clingy people reading this who want to break free of it succeed.
Senin, 10 Juni 2013
Tentang rel="nofollow" dan Salah Kaprah rel="dofollow"
Salah satu elemen HTML yang paling banyak memiliki atribut adalah tag a (). Dua tahun yang lalu saya pernah menyinggung sedikit beberapa atribut link di dalam HTML Link dan Atribut-atribut Pentingnya. Selain atribut-atribut esensial seperti href, title, target, dan rel, ada atribut lain, yang juga bisa digunakan di berbagai tag HTML, seperti id, class, dan style (untuk menyatakan CSS/
Kamis, 06 Juni 2013
8 Unconventional Ways to Fight Anxiety
Panic attacks can easily paralyse a person. It only takes a small trigger to incite a big reaction. Living with anxiety isn’t a walk in a park and sometimes you need to do something to calm down in the middle of the day
1. Reading a Soothing Book
When you predict a panic attack coming on, reaching out for a book may be the best way to settle down. Reading can distract your mind from the anxious events happening at the moment. It’s also a way to relax and let go. Try reading an affirming book or one with uplifting quotations. If the fears are still present, take a stab at reading out loud and seeing if that helps.
2. Stop and Replace
Another way of soothing the anxious feelings is by replacing them with better ones. Swap out the fear of going in front of people for a presentation with the nice dinner you’ll be having that night. Stop thinking about the frightening test the next day; instead, begin focusing on the reward you’ll be giving yourself once you pass.
3. Detach
Look at your life from the outside. Detaching yourself from your anxieties can give you a new perspective about your fears. Turn it into a show and imagine something silly or entertaining. Make yourself into the calm
observer, peacefully watching a movie.
4. Repeat until you're Bored
It might sound counter-intuitive but repeating what worries you the most can actually undo the anxiety it causes. Doing what you most fear over and over again can dull the impact it has on you.
5. Warm your Hands
Nursing a warm cup can actually force your mind to think that everything is OK. When you’re in the verge of a panic attack, the body directs blood to the major muscle groups and leaves your hands cold. Warming them can send a signal that the threat has passed and that you can revert to your normal state.
6. Clean Up
Another solution could be to do some general cleaning. Grab a broom and start sweeping or begin organising family photos. This physical activity will not only divert your attention to mundane things but also expend all the adrenaline building up in your body. Whenever you start to feel anxious, the body produces adrenaline due to its fight or flight response. Using this up can aid you to quiet down and relax.
7. List of Good Things
Sometimes, you are in a good place, but anxiety makes you feel like you aren’t. Counting your blessings is a good way to calm anxiety and remind yourself of how pleasant life is. Stay away from thinking about all the negative events in your life and focus on the small victories.
8. Mental Puzzles
While the thought of mental puzzles might intimidate you, attempting one can help ease anxiety. Doing a word search, answering a crossword puzzle or even simply counting backwards can distract your mind from the triggers that set off panic attacks. The whole point is to think about something other than your fears and worries.
These 8 exercises can aid you in pacifying your fears and continue living. If you find that your anxiety is getting in the way of a normal life, you need to take necessary steps to manage it. Doing one or more of these activities can take your mind off of what is triggering your attack.
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)